Quarantined Thoughts 731z1c

Quarantined Thoughts

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Copyright

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Vault Media and Publications, 2021 Copyright © 2021 by Yusuf Abubakar All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

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Vault Media and Publications www.vaultpublications.com

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

About the Author

Also by Yusuf A

Preface

One

No Idea

Look the Other Way

Know You

Blurred Vision

Stay at Home

The New World (Part 2)

Sleepless Nights

Winter Cold

Here We Go

You Already Knew

Show’s Over

Deep Waters

Dear Nia,

I Know

Born Winner

Never Let Go

COVID Revelations

Life Is an Airport

New Year, Old Lessons

It Starts with Me

Self-Awareness Vs. Self-Criticism

Group-Think

Solitude and Isolation

Acceptance

Stay Right There, I’ll Come to You

Out of Bounds

Unwritten Social Contract

About the Author

Yusuf is an author of four books, podcast host and an award-nominated freelance writer. He currently lives in Toronto, Ontario. You can connect with Yusuf via his social networks! Instagram:@Yusuf_AOfficial Twitter: @Yusuf_AOfficial https://www.facebook.com/YusufAOfficial/

Also by Yusuf A

Clarity: A Personal Collection of Poems (2016) Words of Expression (2017) Love Spelled Backwards (2020)

Preface

No, this isn’t an autobiography. It’s not a self-help book either. So then what is it? These are the thoughts of a person trying to maintain his sanity in crazy times.

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It seemed everything was happening all at once, and there I was, fighting all of these uphill battles at the same time. But I wasn’t the only one. We all were. The world we once knew descended into chaos. It was a collective traumatic experience.

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I refused to go down with it. But how? There is no crash course or classes on how to maintain your sanity while quarantining during a global pandemic.

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I relied on the thing that helped me navigate all of the other tough times in my life: my craft. I wrote and wrote. And then I wrote some more.

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Now, here you are, reading this. Poems and journal entries meant to be reflective, and original quotes for your Instagram captions.

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As you read this, know that I’m doing more than just sharing a part of me. I’m telling a story of a person with knowledge of self, living in a time of confusion. But Quarantined Thoughts is meant to represent hope and redemption. I want this book to be the mirror that you can see yourself in, and take away the positive from.

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There are some things in life that just have to be experienced, such as this book. But you’ll have to read it to believe it.

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After all, isn’t that what 2020 was all about?

One

You sat across from me. First, I looked into your eyes, Then I saw your heart, Then I felt your soul.

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First, I was intrigued, Then I became enamored.

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And then I knew.

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Every word that came out of your mouth was refreshing. You spoke with ion, grace, and elegance.

I felt connected to you, as though I’d known you my entire life.

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But I didn’t.

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I just knew you in that moment. Your presence was soothing Your intelligence was stimulating. Your beauty was captivating. Your style was authentic.

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As we spoke, I asked myself if my soul had met its counterpart. I’d read about moments like this. I’ve watched numerous movies like this. Was this it? Or is this too good to be true? Was this fate? Destiny?

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All it took was that one moment to see everything that I needed to see. You left an indelible impression on me.

No Idea

You have no idea, Or maybe you do, Of the feelings I possess for you.

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You know that I care, You just don’t know the depth of it. You see the surface but can’t see beyond.

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You have no idea How much I appreciate you, How much I understand you.

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You have no idea, You think you’re alone, Left to fight life’s battles on your own, The confusion that comes with it.

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Little do you know.

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I can be there every step of the way. Your system, Your guidance, Your words of encouragement.

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Just let me in, Open the door, I’m sure you’ve been disappointed before.

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That’s not me. I’m the one, I just want you to see.

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Lower your guard, Open your heart, Step outside your comfort zone, Confront your fears. I’m the one. But you have no idea.

Look the Other Way

Hurt people hurt people. The hurt they inflict on you is only a fraction of the pain they’re feeling inside.

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So when you did what you did, I should’ve been mad at you, I should’ve let you go, I should’ve left you alone.

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I didn’t.

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I empathized, I justified,

I became blind. I did for you what I’ve never done for others. I did for you what was never done for me.

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Why?

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Because still waters run deep.

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I know you at your essence. I know you at your core. You could be so much more. I see the greatness in you. I see how special you could be.

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But like me, you became blind. You’re floating through life trying to find your way. You’re unsure of what you want and how to get there. Overwhelmed with insecurity, self-doubt, and confusion, Caught up with life’s trappings and illusions.

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That’s why I empathized, I justified, I became blind.

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Every time you hurt me was because you were hurt yourself. Every pain you afflicted on me was just your cry for help.

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Healed people heal people. The good they do for you is because they know the pain you’re feeling inside.

Know You

You’re such an enigma. You’re coated in mystery. I feel there are so many layers to you.

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I want to unpack it all, Every major and minor detail.

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What makes you you, Why you are the girl you are, How you became the girl you are.

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I don’t need to know it all at once.

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I want to take my time on this journey, To explore your deepest thoughts and reach your soul.

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However long it takes to get there doesn’t matter, To me, you’re worth it. I’ll try my best, and I don’t need no help This will be one of the biggest challenges of my lifetime: Trying to get to know the girl that doesn’t know herself.

Blurred Vision

You had it all, The happiness, the vision.

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You knew what you wanted out of life.

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You seemed so clear and specific on your life, I wanted to see how I could fit into it.

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You were so put together, it made me self-reflect. How could I be the man for you?

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I thought I was clear on life, but your vision was 20/20. You had everything.

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At least, so I thought.

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Objects in the mirror are closer than they appear. As I looked closer, I realized I was deceived. My eyes and my mind played tricks on me.

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You were confused. You were in a constant battle with yourself. Trying to overcompensate your pain in many different ways.

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You didn’t have it all. The happiness nor the vision.

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The only thing that was 2020 was the year. Your vision was blurry. How could you be the girl for me when you’re so disheveled? Why does my heart still yearn for you?

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Your potential exceeds your pain. Your current state is not your resting place. Life is full of ups and downs, ebbs and flows.

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So what if you don’t have it all figured out? I want to travel that road with you, wherever it may lead.

After all, every sign and road on my journey of life led me right to you.

Stay at Home

Just when I wanted to be left alone, Billions of others were stuck inside their home. Whatever happened to the life that we’ve known?

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Coming and going as we please, Stopping by the store for necessities, Going out with the world at our fingertips, A couple of clicks then you’re off on a trip.

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Touch the clouds to get to your next destination. Living life to the fullest, with no hesitation.

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Now the world has changed.

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Waiting in lines to enter the grocery store, Checking your temperature at the door.

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Tickets for not maintaining social distance, As if we weren’t already socially distant enough.

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Quarantining is mandatory. Social gatherings of more than five is a penalty.

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When you were at work, you wanted to be home. Now everyone’s mandated to work from home.

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Alleged new cases of people getting infected globally every day. Apparently, people are suddenly just ing away.

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Globally, we’re all left to ask the same thing.

The New World (Part 2)

Is this the new normal? Normal feels like a distant memory.

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World leaders go on the podium every day. They only remind us that things will never be the same.

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Communication has been reduced to video calls and social media updates. Anxiety and hysteria are on the rise, and it seems we’re giving in. It’s a new world that we’re living in.

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Toilet paper flies off the shelves, Meanwhile vitamins are readily available for people to help themselves.

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Gloves and facemasks have become a necessity. If you’re not wearing one, it’s as though you’re the enemy.

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Gloves and facemasks used to be attributed to criminal suspects. Now the government recommends it.

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We used to panic when we bought too much. Now we panic-buy unnecessary stuff.

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We used to go outside to meet people. Now we’re mandated to stay inside, away from people.

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Will this be the new normal?

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I have this feeling that I can’t let go.

Sleepless Nights

Once again, I woke up in the middle of the night. Thoughts of you, Some bad, some good. This can’t continue, Stuck between I wish I never met you and I wish I could forget you.

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I want to let you go. I just don’t know how yet. If I could, I would’ve long ago.

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I want to erase the place you occupy in my mind. I want to remove the mark you left behind in my heart.

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I what life used to be like before I met you. I life before I ever knew you.

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I don’t know if I’m grateful or regretful to have met you.

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I just know that this can’t continue.

Winter Cold

You’re warm, kind, good-hearted, and yet you’re so cold towards me. I’m left to wonder why. Is it something I did, or didn’t do? Was it something I said to you?

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Maybe I’m being selfish, thinking it’s about me. Damn, you’re such a mystery.

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Is it a defence mechanism? Is this your way of protection? Is this your method of selection?

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Sometimes I ask myself, “If I wasn’t me, where would we be?” Then I realize I can only be me. Maybe I’m just not right for you. My love for self is greater than my love for you. Don’t ever get that confused.

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I will never prioritize your happiness over mine. Gave you free rent in my mind. I’ve done more than you can imagine.

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That’s no more. The mystery remains unsolved, but it’s time I close it. I’ll move forward and move on. Maybe I’ll get my answer one day, maybe I won’t.

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I’ll be satisfied whether I do or don’t.

Here We Go

Here we go. You’re randomly hitting up my phone, Telling me you miss me and it’s been too long, Want to meet and catch up on what’s been going on. I know, I know.

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We drove around the city. It was deserted like a scene from I Am Legend. We grabbed some milkshakes and then we parked. It was late, but we still talked. You opened up to me emotionally, Spoke about the pain of your reality. I sat there listening silently. I said, “Things will be okay.” You were teary-eyed, then you kissed me on the cheek. I could tell by the way you looked at me and your facial expression,

There was more where that came from.

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Here we go again. I’ve been down this road. I know where this will go. You use me for my energy. I use you for your body. I don’t care, and you don’t mind. We both get what we want in the end, so it’s all fine.

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I’m ashamed to tell you what I’m truly worried about. That moment when you’ll want more than this, and I won’t be able to help you out When I reach that bridge, I’ll cross it. So I collect my worry and I toss it.

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Here we go again. Once again, we’re back in this bed. We’re doing the same things that we always did. Like the arrival of summer, I could always count on you around this time of year. Life happens, but you somehow always end up back here. Girl, you don’t belong in this bed, but I still welcome you back. You always leave it feeling emotionally intact.

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But my fears were realized when you asked what we could be. “You’re looking at it,” is all I could say. I began to see the disappointment in your face. You wanted more, and I didn’t. Girl, who are we kidding? I told you we could be nothing more than what we were. You agreed, but now you suddenly had a change of heart. We need to stop.

You Already Knew

Calm down, stop crying. You can say what you want, but you can’t say that I was lying. I was always honest about what we were and that my mind wouldn’t change. You said you agreed and that you felt the same, So why are we having this discussion?

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Let’s be honest, You always knew what we were and where we stood. You know how this thing goes, So why are you so surprised?

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You told me once that you’re addicted to pain. Here you are seeking it again, Asking me for commitment when I never promised such a thing.

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You knew exactly what I would say and where we would end up, So why am I the bad guy? If that’s the role you’re casting me for in your life, then cool. But , I didn’t do this to you. Maybe when you’re not so upset, you’ll see it that way. But until that time, it’s okay.

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You already knew, but you hoped that I wouldn’t feel the same way. By us spending enough time in bed, you thought my mind would change. But, girl, it didn’t, and yours did for whatever reason. You’re vulnerable and afraid, Life is challenging you, and I make you feel safe.

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I get it.

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I bring positivity and stability. You bring your emotions and sexual energy. We exchange for a period of time, Then we drift apart, and things are fine. But you suddenly want to change that dynamic, and I don’t agree. So now you’re upset and probably hate me too. But, girl, it’s okay, because you already knew.

Show’s Over

I’ve seen this movie before; I know how this thing goes. I told you, I don’t want to be part of your show. You love him, you hate me. You hate him, you miss me.

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Here’s the thing:

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I know your type. I felt your vibe. This may disappoint you, but I will never be that guy.

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You have your own issues, and I wish you the best. But I refuse to get caught up in your mess.

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Figure it out, but just leave me alone. I don’t want to be part of your show.

Deep Waters

I’m no fool, I know you’re hurting inside. I can only guess why. You’re carrying pain and pressure. The pressure of wanting to be great and accomplish great things. You have all the tools to do it, too. But you don’t know how it’ll happen and that creates more pressure for you.

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I understand. I don’t say anything, because I respect your boundaries. No unsolicited advice or suggestions, I’m just your system and source of encouragement. But if you ask, I’ll answer.

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I know you’re a strong and tough woman.

I don’t have to fight your battles for you. I’ll be the shoulder you can lean on, or I’ll carry you to the finish line, if necessary. I’ll be what you need, when you need it, and that’s what I mean by sharing the journey.

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Your mind is attractive. Your intelligence is unmatched. Your creativity is special, and you’re so damn talented.

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Your heart is deep, and you have an amazing soul. You’re unique and need to be loved and treated a certain way. You’re like a rare tree. It takes a certain kind of person who knows what he’s doing. Someone who understands you, nurtures you, and watches you grow freely.

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That person is me. Believe me, I know the important things about you, but there’s still levels of depth to you, And I’m willing to learn. Learn your love language. I promise to never cause you anguish. We both value our alone time and space. In many ways, you and I are one in the same.

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I may sound crazy, but I swear to you I’m not. When you have strong belief, it can seem that way. But when we met, I could feel my spirit just gravitate To you in a way it hasn’t before.

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Maybe it’s nothing, maybe it’s something. All I know is you were brought into my life for a reason. That truth is what I believe in.

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Maybe I should keep my mouth shut and just bottle this up. I’d rather that than be forced to open myself up.

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But I can’t resist. I can’t walk away. This is something that I want to say. You don’t have to hide your true self or run away from me. I’m your vault. Your rock. You have me.

Dear Nia,

You’re the first thought on my mind when I wake up in the morning, and the last thought before I go to sleep.

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It’s been engraved in my heart and fused into my DNA. At this point, I can never run away.

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It’s my calm in this chaotic world, and the light that shines in the darkest of places.

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At first, I couldn’t find you. Then when I did, I just knew.

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To my purpose: I love you. Always have and always will.

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I know I mean to you what you mean to me. I know you feel for me what I feel for you.

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The love we share is mutual.

I Know

Take five steps forward only to go ten steps back. Those setbacks can lead to feeling stuck. Before you know it, you’re in a rut. All these thoughts running through your mind, Each battle feels like an uphill climb, Mental, physical, spiritual, and then there’s love. It’s no wonder I can’t open up.

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I know, I know, I sound fucked. I know I’m difficult to love. I really don’t know how to open myself up. I’m misunderstood. I can’t express myself outside of these books.

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Who knows where I’d be if it wasn’t for my craft? I can’t even imagine it, and thank God for that. She called me a mystery, But I’m not one intentionally. I only put my trust in me, Keep my cards close to my chest. I’m just doing what I think is best.

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It bothers you, that much I know. Sometimes I think I’m just better off alone. That way I can’t hurt those that say they love or care for me the most. I wish I could do things differently, but this is how it goes.

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You don’t have to say it, I know.

Born Winner

I’ve reached a stage where all I want to do is grow. Got my sights set on my goals.

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I’ve been in rooms I never thought possible. Met people I thought would be impossible. I’ve done things that were improbable.

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Can’t convince me that I’m not unstoppable.

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Only two things stand in my way: Time and Me. Time is on my side, and I only believe in me.

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My obstacles are also my allies, and those are the only things I need.

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Hard work, belief, and consistency. A global pandemic couldn’t even deter me.

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I’ll never give up. I’ll never give in. I’ll never put my head down. I was built to win. Every loss. Every disappointment. Every rejection. It’s a humble reminder there’s no such thing as perfection.

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Everywhere I’ve been, everything I’ve seen, Whatever I’ve been through, It all unfolded the way it was supposed to.

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The losses were bitter. I took those on the chin. But they only made me appreciate the wins.

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No matter how big or how small, I was just grateful for it all.

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I used to be afraid of failure; Now I’m afraid of not trying.

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Doesn’t mean that losing doesn’t hurt. If I said that, I’d be lying. I just keep perspective. Losing is not a condemnation of me or my worth;

It just shows me that I’ve found a way that doesn’t work.

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I’ll keep going. At this point of the game, I can’t stop. The finish line isn’t for the most talented or gifted; It’s for the one that is most consistent.

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At that finish line, you will see me, Because nothing can stop me.

Never Let Go

I try to maximize my health out of fear of growing old and slow. These days are crazy, and I really don’t know. Holding on to my faith is like trying to grip burning coal. I’m fighting for my peace. Fighting for my soul. Feels like I’m losing my grip, but I refuse to let go.

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Some days are easier than others. Some days can be difficult. Same fight, different round, Life landed some punches, but I’ve never been knocked down. And I will never be knocked out.

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Faith can’t be measured when things are going as they should. It must be tested and can only be solidified when things aren’t good. I’ve experienced great joy, and moments that felt like hell. Got so low I nearly thought about giving up on myself.

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But I had to dig deep in my well. I had to myself, My values, my beliefs, All of the great things that make me me. And I had to fight and claw my way back.

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I can’t ever have another person as my enemy. Why? Honestly, no one else really matters that much to me. My world is as simple as this: I either care for you or you don’t exist. No competition, no enemies, no hostility. My only challenge is me. The man I’m on a mission to becoming versus the old me.

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My higher self versus my lower being. It’s the only battle that’ll ever occupy me.

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As I try to better myself, I’ve found there’s a lot of bullshit along the way. As hard as it gets, in the end I know I’ll be okay. Better than okay. In fact, I’ll be great. Pure hearts always win in the end, and my victory is on the way.

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I just need to hold on to my faith.

Journal & Reflections

COVID Revelations

This whole pandemic has taught me to be appreciative of the little things that I take for granted.

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I took for granted the blessing of being able to watch or play basketball, go to the gym, or just go out in general. Sometimes I’d tell myself, “Not today,” because I assumed it would always be there. It wasn’t until it wasn’t there that I realized how much of a blessing certain things really are.

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I’ll make a much greater effort to never take things for granted just because I think they will always be there.

Life Is an Airport

As I experience life every day, I’ve come to understand something:

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Life is like an airport, and we’re all travellers hoping to get to our destinations.

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Some of us are excited and hopeful for the journey ahead, meanwhile others are nervous or anxious.

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One thing all travellers have in common is we’re all carrying baggage. Some are heavier than others, and that’s okay.

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You may lose your baggage along the way, or it may follow you and meet you at

your destination.

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In the end, all that matters is that you get to where you need to be.

New Year, Old Lessons

I learned more in 2020 alone than I have in all of my years combined. Let me start by saying this: 2020 taught me why it’s so important to be in isolation and to be alone. I learned early in life to love, appreciate, and be comfortable with myself, because I’m stuck with me for the rest of my life. This life lesson became especially useful this year. I’ve had periods in my life when I’ve resorted to being reclusive in order to regain my balance and develop myself. It was as though all of those moments were preparing me for the pandemic. However, it’s a new experience, and there is still much to learn. I’ve realized it is not just about being comfortable with being alone; it is about finding that balance between isolation and socializing. There’s a time and place for everything, and I had to develop discernment.

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Right now, we’re in a time where we must move forward and not look back at what normal used to be. The world is changing, and we must adapt. We have to ask questions, be honest with ourselves, prioritize our health, find ways to uplift ourselves, and see how we can fit in this new world. Things may return to normal, or they may not. Either way, who cares?

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2020 should have humbled humanity. It taught us all a lot of things. If we were paying close attention, we would have learned.

It Starts with Me

Oftentimes when I pray or make affirmations, I wonder how things will happen. But I eventually convince myself to focus more on what I should be doing rather than on how things will happen. As I continue to think, I realize I have the answer already. I just haven’t realized it yet. It’s almost like a calculator, in that the answer is programmed in there, I just have to type in the equation.

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The answer is me. If I’m praying for the ability to see a book through, I have to actually work on the book. Anything that needs to be done has to be delivered by me. It’s in my hands. In that sense, I’m the master of my fate and the captain of my soul.

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There are many situations and circumstances I’ve found myself in that I never asked for or ever wanted to be in. But they happened. What happens next? That’s up to me and how I choose to respond to it.

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I can be angry. I can complain. I can blame anyone and everyone for it. But what good would that do? The problem will still be there!

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The old me would just pretend it didn’t happen and keep things moving. But old ways won’t open new doors. Someone taught me to give myself permission to really feel and experience things in the moment. Once a thing has been confronted, I remind myself that I’m human, and then the pragmatic side of me kicks in, and I begin to seek solutions. I’ll write down every possible answer, and map out every possible outcome. I probably won’t follow through on all of them, but at least I’m taking the first steps. Once I find the solution that resonates with me, I go with it.

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The bottom line is this: It has to come from me.

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Things won’t change until I make the change happen. Whether it’s my bad habits, flaws, problems, or even my goals, the answer lies within me. I just have to be practical, self-aware, and honest with myself.

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Asking myself tough, but empowering, questions is necessary. Am I doing enough? Is there a better way to do this? What can I do better?

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Those questions are easier asked than answered, but at least they put me in a position to empower myself to find the answers. Rest assured, if they are to be answered, the answers have to come from me. Finding the answers is all part of my journey, and that’s where the magic happens.

Self-Awareness Vs. Self-Criticism

I used to wrestle with this. It was a constant war that I used to wage within myself.

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Self-awareness allows me to be more empathetic, sympathetic, careful with my words and actions. It gives me the presence of mind to think before I act or react. It forces me to have honest conversations with myself and to assess myself truthfully.

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But what happens when those honest conversations cross the line? When it gets to the point where I can be too hard on myself? When the focus becomes more on expectations than on standards?

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Like many things in life, I’ve realized it comes down to balance. Self-awareness is a positive thing, but when it becomes unproductive, I know that line has been crossed.

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Self-awareness, to me, looks like this: I didn’t complete the outline for the next episode of my podcast because I was too distracted with my phone. Moving forward, I’m going to leave my phone aside when I’m focusing on my craft to avoid this happening again.

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It communicates to me what I did wrong, but sets the standard for what I need to do differently moving forward. This is healthy. This is productive.

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I didn’t complete the outline for the next episode of my podcast. This episode won’t ever do well. It’ll be a failure, because I’m lazy and easily distracted. This is an extreme example of being self-critical, but it illustrates why it’s a dangerous thing. It’s discouraging, negative, and self-defeating. But the scariest part of it all is that it has the power to be true.

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I understand the power and impact thoughts and words can have, which forces me to be very careful with them. Self-awareness leaves room for me to improve, and self-criticism doesn’t.

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As tough of a battle this was for me in my younger years, this year I’ve found myself best-equipped to really get a better handle on it.

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I cancelled out the negativity a long time ago, and instead subscribed to a more positive form of development.

Group-Think

I’ve been doing some thinking, as I usually tend to do, and something interesting has crossed my mind. Growing up, we were always taught to not be followers. I’m sure we all heard the phrase growing up, “If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you?”

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As we grow older and enter adulthood, that message suddenly becomes taboo. You’re no longer being told by society at large to lead or think independently. It has become “Just do it, because everyone else is,” or “Do as you’re told.”

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There seems to be a social disconnect. Children, who look to adults for guidance, are encouraged to ask questions and be curious. But once you’re an adult, questions and curiosity seem to die. It’s almost as though it becomes frowned upon. Ask too many questions, or think too outside-the-box, and you risk being labelled as “eccentric” or “weird.” Really? Just because I’m asking questions and thinking independently?

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Now, I don’t know exactly why that is, and if I can be honest for a moment, I

don’t care to investigate it.

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My two core philosophies in life are simple. Ready to hear them? It’s peace, and live and let live. But the moral of the story is this: I’ll continue to ask questions, seek knowledge, and educate myself, whatever it may cost me.

Solitude and Isolation

It’s safe to say that almost everyone, if not everyone, will eventually reach a point in their life when they’ll have to endure a journey that no one can embark on with them.

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Our family and friends can only watch as we travel and navigate those roads on our own. The most they can do is sympathize and offer words of encouragement.

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I’ve found myself in that particular situation. No one can seem to understand, and I can’t seem to explain. Even if I could, I wouldn’t bother. Rather than spending energy trying to explain it, in hopes that people will see my perspective, I just let it go. I’m aware that it may have some negative consequences, but I don’t see any other choice. I’ve always found solace in internalizing all of my affairs, and we know what they say if something isn’t broken.

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I’ve found that at times there’s been a natural gulf forming between myself and others, and I can’t seem to explain why. In the end, I don’t really dwell on it. I

will always choose peace.

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As difficult, and at times painful, as the journey can get, I am committed to seeing it through. Diamonds go through a refining process. Structures have to be broken down in order to be rebuilt. Products will undergo welding before they’re finished. This process is necessary for me, and I must endure.

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It will either help me find my way, or cause me to lose myself in the process. Regardless of what happens, it’ll unfold the way it’s meant to. But I have to do my part.

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By no means do I have it figured out or know all the answers. I don’t.

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I just have values, faith, an open-mind, and self-belief, which will be my com as I tread these murky waters. I don’t know where I’ll end up or how things will play out, but I’ll do my part, and let God work out the details.

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I never asked for any of this, but then again, who does? Do the ill choose to be sick? I can’t control most of the things that happen to me, only what I decide to do.

Acceptance

“Don’t harp on it. Just accept it.”

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My friend told me that, and it has been ingrained in my mind ever since. Maybe permanently, like a tattoo. It’s so simple, yet profound, and I think that’s why it stuck with me.

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Acceptance is something I had to develop a better understanding of. In my mind, it’s always had a negative association, like a form of giving up. But I eventually learned that it’s not true. It’s all about perspective, and I needed to change my lens.

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Acceptance, to me, is about embracing reality. Not idealism, and not pessimism. Just taking things for what they are, as they are. It’s actually meant to be beneficial. Acceptance can bring peace.

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I’ve learned to allow myself to experience things rather than ignore or deny them. Once I’ve allowed myself to do that, I collect my thoughts on things, and I begin to let go. Once I’ve arrived at the point of letting go, there’s no more room for me to dwell on it.

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As it’s often said, what’s done is done, and there’s no turning back.

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Acceptance.

Stay Right There, I’ll Come to You

One of the things I find exciting about life, and at times challenging, is dealing with different people. Along the way, I’ve found a method that works best for me when dealing with different types of people: Meet them where they are.

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If I know someone won’t see something the way I do, or they’re doing something that I don’t like, I’ve learned to take it in stride, make a mental note, and adjust accordingly.

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Oftentimes, it may be fitting to perhaps bring something to a person’s attention in hopes it’ll change, but I find myself picking and choosing my spots now. Time moves so quickly. Days turn into months in what feels like minutes, and years feel as though they’re ing by in a span of hours. With what feels like a decrease in my time, there’s an increase in my life’s responsibilities, and I find my energy is limited. Is it really worth spending it debating with someone, or pinpointing what a person is doing wrong? Depending on the relationship with that person, perhaps, but it would really depend on the circumstances.

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When I understand who a person is, how they think, or how they behave, it makes it so much easier for me to adapt my approach and act accordingly. It doesn’t take much to figure someone out, because they will always show their character.

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I’ll give people a chance, but I pay close attention to what they say, how they say those things, and the acts they do. These are all telltale signs of their character. Once I’ve seen enough, I use my discernment.

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This is what I mean by meeting someone where they are. If someone has shown character traits of speaking without a filter, and they have very little selfawareness, and they make an offensive remark towards me, what do you think I’ll do?

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Would I have a talk and explain to them why what they did bothered me, in hopes that they would change in the future? Absolutely not. That would take time and energy. If this person has shown they lack self-awareness, they can’t possibly see what they did wrong. Therefore, they won’t get where I’m coming from, and will try to make it seem as though I’m overreacting. Now it can become a back-and-forth situation where they’ll take offense to it, which may lead to a strain in the relationship.

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Do you see where time and energy can get wasted?

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Instead, I’ll respectfully, but directly, put the person on notice about their comments and let them know not to speak to me that way again. Then, moving forward, I’ll change how I deal with them. This may still strain or, at the very least, create a distance in the relationship, but at least I clearly communicated my boundaries, put them in their place, and it led to the same potential outcome without wasting any of my time or energy to explain things.

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See where I’m getting at now?

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If someone shows me who they are, and I get upset about something they do or say, that’s my fault. Instead, I just meet people where they are.

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If I’m preserving time and protecting my peace, then I’ve won.

Out of Bounds

Boundaries. This word has come to define the past year for me. Even more so than the word “essential.”

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Setting boundaries is one of the healthiest and biggest favours I’ve ever done for myself. Rather than getting upset every time someone doesn’t meet the standards I had for them, I set boundaries.

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I’ve found that when I wasn’t setting boundaries, things were running amuck in my life, particularly in regards to business and aspects of my personal life.

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Whenever you have something running all over the place, it’s because it has no sense of direction. That’s what boundaries are for. They set direction in life and eliminate the confusion.

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At first, it can be uncomfortable and unnerving, because you don’t know how the person will take it, but in reality, it’s a selfless act that benefits both individuals. By making it clear where I stand on certain things and being transparent, I’m giving the other person a chance to respect that. If I’ve clearly and respectfully established boundaries, and a person chooses not to respect them, then that’s very telling. But if a person respects them, and makes an effort to respect them, then that’s also telling. In either case, I know who I can move forward with in my life and who gets left behind.

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I also find that boundaries are a two-way street, and as much as I want mine to be respected, I owe that same level of respect to others. Unless boundaries are specifically communicated to me, I tend to follow some general principles.

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For example, I won’t give someone advice or suggestions unless I’m asked. Instead, I’ll just actively listen. Unsolicited advice and suggestions can be offputting, so I stay mindful of that.

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Also, when people vent or tell me a personal story, I don’t tell a personal story that I believe can relate to it or is similar in nature. That person may get the idea that I’m trying to make the conversation about me, or I’m trying to compare my

situation to theirs in an effort to minimize how they’re feeling, which is not the intention. Although it may be coming from a good place, it may not be received that way. Besides, I’m sure we’re all aware of that saying about good intentions, right?

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I’ve found that the deeper the bond, the more necessary boundaries are. Now I know what it means to me.

Unwritten Social Contract

No, this isn’t based on any philosopher or philosophy. Is this my personal philosophy? Well, it’s based on personal experience, so maybe.

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I don’t really know what to call it yet, but I will at least explain what this unwritten social contract is.

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When it comes to relationships, whether it’s family, friends, or romantic partners, there is an unwritten social contract we all must agree to and abide by.

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We have a responsibility to respect each other, to prioritize each other’s happiness, and to create a comfortable and safe space for each other.

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This might seem like common sense and is obvious to many, if not all, but if that’s the case, why isn’t it commonly practiced?

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It’s something we come to expect and know, but rarely are we mindful of it. We may sometimes say things, or do things, that violate this agreement.

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I’ll preface by saying this: We’re all humans. We all make mistakes, and people will not always be happy with us for various reasons. That’s perfectly fine, and that’s not what I’m referring to.

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Blatantly disrespecting someone you say you care for, or purposely upsetting them, is toxic. Knowing someone doesn’t like a particular behaviour, or knowing a behaviour is wrong, but still consistently doing it is unacceptable. It’s the textbook definition of gaslighting.

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This applies to me, just as much as it does to anyone else. I understand just how important this unwritten agreement is, and it’s something I strive to abide by closely.

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So is it a personal philosophy? I would say that it is.