The Culture Of Blame - Bangau Oh Bangau 5w2k3q

Bangau oh Bangau A little story about taking care of oneself

Mohammad Radzi Zainal

Page |1 Chapter 1 – Bangau Oh! Bangau

Bangau oh bangau mengapa engkau kurus? (Stork oh stork, why are you thin?) Macam mana aku tak kurus, ikan tak mahu timbul. (How am I not thin, the fish do not come to surface) Ikan oh ikan, mengapa kau tak timbul? (Fish oh fish, why do you not surface?) Macam mana aku nak timbul, rumput panjang sangat. (How can I surface, the grass is too long) Rumput oh rumput, mengapa engkau panjang? (Grass oh grass, why are you so long?) Macam mana aku tak panjang, kerbau tak makan aku. (How can I not be long, the buffalo would not eat me) Kerbau oh kerbau, mengapa tak makan rumput? (Buffalo oh buffalo, why don’t you eat the grass?) Macam mana aku nak makan, perut aku sakit. (How can I eat the graswhen, my stomach is aching) Perut oh perut, mengapa engkau sakit? (Stomach oh stomach, why do you ache?) Macam mana aku tak sakit, makan nasi mentah. (How can I not ache when I have eaten uncooked rice) Nasi oh nasi, mengapa engkau mentah? (Rice oh rice, why are you not cooked?) Macam mana aku tak mentah, kayu api basah. (How can I be cooked when the firewood is wet) Kayu oh kayu, mengapa engkau basah? (Firewood oh firewood, why are you wet?) Macam mana aku tak basah, hujan timpa aku. (How can I not be wet, the rain fell on me) Hujan oh hujan, mengapa kau timpa kayu? (Rain oh rain, why did you fall on the firewood?) Macam mana aku tak timpa, katak panggil aku. (How can I not fall, the frogs called me)

Page |2 Katak oh katak, mengapa kau panggil hujan? (Frog oh frog, why did you call the rain?) Macam mana aku tak panggil, ular nak makan aku. (How can I not call the rain, the snake was going to eat me) Ular oh ular, mengapa nak makan katak? (Snake oh snake, why did you want to eat the frog?) Macam mana aku tak makan, memang makanan aku, memang makanan aku! (How can I not eat the frog, it is my food, it is my food!) That was a nursery rhyme sung many times over by parents to lull their babies and young children to sleep, and it is also sung by the children themselves. How many of us gave a thought to what it really means when sung? How many of us actually realise that we are actually teaching our children about bad things and good things in that one song - the wrong and the right. Out of the many parents who have probably sung the song, probably most would not really have bothered to think, give a hoot about the meaning of the song or even cared to give it further thought other than thinking of it as just another nursery rhyme. If you observe, the bangau ( the stork or the crane), was asked why it was thin, and it answered that the reason it was thin was that the fish would not surface. As the rhyme goes, one problem was caused by the another, or in those instances one thing led to another and the list goes on until the ular (snake) put its feet down (snakes don’t have legs, I can still hear my science teacher screaming at me). The snake in essence said, “The buck stops here!” Do you see any similarities in what is happening every day at home, in the office, in politics, in associations and societies and almost everywhere else with the content of the rhyme above? Most times, any problem or mistake that takes place is always explained with reference to or in the name of others and the list goes on and on and on, and we wait and wait and wait for the person who is going to say ‘the buck stops here!’. In most instances, people do not want to accept such responsibility for fear of being blamed. It is always perceived that the people who accepts the responsibility for those errors is either simply the person who caused the error, or the person who has nothing better to do or is simply just being plain stupid (for accepting such responsibility!). Thus, obviously, many people do not care to accept such responsibility.

Page |3 Why can’t we just see such persons as people who are responsible enough to take ownership and who want to do something about the problem rather than the buck? Referring to the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, effectiveness training program, such behaviour (accepting responsibility), is called Being Proactive. Many people when asked about the meaning of the word Proactive will almost always answer it in this manner: ‘taking initiative, doing something before being told, giving ideas, etc’. However, more often than not, people do not have a clear understanding of the essence of being proactive. Most people—managers, supervisors, executives, CEOs, and parents for example—would expect such things to happen instinctively, without the people they are supervising or istering having the awareness that if the fundamental principles are not understood and adhered to, then those things that are expected to happen will not happen and what they don’t want will happen, and ultimately what will happen will be similar to what happened in the rhyme! This behaviour will then perpetuate and spread throughout the organisation and become a culture; a culture of irresponsibility that will certainly not help the organisation in the future. People will avoid responsibility, finger pointing will be the norm, ing the buck will be the trend and the organisation will not be able to realise its potential and ultimately will not be competitive in the market place, a culture of ‘co-dependencies’ instead of a culture of ‘inter-dependencies.’ Let’s look at a situation, one that may happen or is already happening in many organisations. This situation can be substituted with any other situation or incident, it is the concept that is noteworthy and not the surrounding facts.

GENERIX CORPORATION BERHAD Let’s visit an incident that happened in Generix Corporation Berhad (GCB) (names have been changed to protect the identities of characters mentioned here). It happened in a real company, of which I had changed to protect not only them, but myself too againsts liability, you can’t be too careful nowadays. You can be rest assured it did happen to real people in a real company. . The company recently appointed a new Director of Personnel, Nazri, who had glowing references from people who gave them and was brought into GCB by the CEO.

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One day Nazri organised a department meeting to enable him to meet the staff and explain his plans for the department. After the usual rounds of “nice to know you, lets work as a team, we are all in this together, and just tell me what you need…,” Nazri started to ramble to his staff about some things that had happened in the company he had previously worked for, how some persons had done bad things and been malicious to him and to be aware and careful when dealing with that kind of person. Unwittingly, in a sense, Nazri, the boss, was essentially saying and giving the impression that he was in his present condition because of the other person. Being a victim of circumstances, that is. Months ed by and one day Badrul, the executive heading the Compensation and Benefit Section, was called for a meeting with Nazri, and Nazri instructed Badrul to enrol him (Nazri), into an insurance scheme that was enjoyed by senior management employees who had served a certain number of years of employment in GCB. This was regardless of the fact that Nazri did not qualify as he had only been in GCB only for a few months! Badrul duly advised Nazri of the qualification criteria and his not meeting them and suggested that he instead put up a proposal paper to the management to request for an approval, since he was a member of the GCB’s executive committee. Nazri refused to listen to the advice, since he knew that he did not qualify and maybe preparing the paper and getting it rejected was just too much hassle, or it would just start tongues wagging. However, Badrul, since that day, owing to his refusal to carry out his boss’ instructions, found himself on the wrong side of his boss. All communication between Nazri and Badrul became simply transactional and Nazri started getting petty with Badrul and more besides. Can you see yourself in this situation as if you are Badrul, both in the paradigm of being like the bangau and the gang and also being that proactive person, the ular (snake)? What would you have done if you were in Badrul’s place? More importantly what, if you were in Nazri’s place, could have driven you to do such things?

Page |5 THE BANGAU AND FRIENDS—BEING REACTIVE The easiest way out for Badrul would have been to be like the bangau and friends. Just to do as you are told and explain your actions in the name of the boss who initially tells you what to do. Thus, Nazri would be managing by and also rule by position power, Badrul on the other hand would not have position or power. If Badrul gets into trouble, he can always say, “Nazri, my boss, made me do it.” Wouldn’t that be convenient? Why shouldn’t he do that? For one reason and in the eyes of many reactive people, his performance appraisal, his salary increment, bonuses and promotion will be dependent, not on his own performance and productivity but on how well he pleases the boss! Isn’t this kind of thinking and behaviour typical of reactive people? Any boss, who gets his/her sense of security and power from position, authority, power and rank, will immediately see this as insubordination. How could some junior employee deny and reject the boss’ requests or instructions? Would that not be the ideal time to show who the boss is? Would it not be time to use all the authority vested in them to deal with the insubordination? Does it not call for a firm handling of this situation before it gets out of hand and influences other people? Would it not be the time to show and use your authority to put fear into people? Many people would just take the easier road and discard responsibility and let the social norms and hierarchies dictate what he/she must do when faced with such situations. If that was the case, and if Badrul had believed that he was dependent solely on his boss for his well being in the work place, he would have duly executed the boss’ instructions. Badrul would have felt that he was compelled to do as instructed by Nazri, on the basis that his entire future would have been in jeopardy if he was to refuse, and consequently he would have felt that he was being victimised. He could also have felt that he would be doing the right thing to safeguard his future in the company. However, the problem would have been that deep in his heart, he would have known that what he was doing was wrong, and that it was against GCB’s policies and rules, and also against all natural principles of justice and fairness. It would have gnawed at his conscience, eating at him from inside him. He would have taken solace from thinking what else could he have done? He could have felt that he was being victimised or contrary to that, that he was just being a good employee, complying with the boss’ instructions. Many people feel ‘good’ about being victims, being victimised.

Page |6 You feel you are being wronged by others, people feel pity, they gather around you and share their own horror stories, and massage each other’s feelings and egos, thus stoking each other’s anger and fear. Then finally to justify their actions, the ‘victims’ get together, forming the Brotherhood of Victims. There is a sense of being together, being one, being the victims, being the wronged ones. You feel you are helpless to do anything; the ‘management’ is being cruel and unfair. Note just how at times the whole management team gets labelled due to the act of one person. They play the shame, blame and justify game. How would you explain the boss’ behaviour here? You may feel that there is nothing much to say about it. It’s simply a case of abusing authority, position and power. It is case of a boss who is lacking in principles and putting personal needs first and thus subordinating the needs of the organisation and the many other employees. Nazri is just doing what he thinks is best…. for himself! In this case, he had broken the very tenet of the core values that the company purportedly subscribes to. However, he probably feels that he himself is also a victim, and that by being a ‘junior’ member in a ‘senior’ position he is thus losing out on the extra fringe benefits he feels he should rightfully enjoy. A cruel irony, wouldn’t you say? Isn’t it strange, here we have a BOSS, a senior person, who feels he doesn’t get the same benefits as other people, in a situation where those other people are of lower rank than him and earning only a fraction of what he earns and over whom he has more authority and who is generally perceived in his company as a more important person- but he is saying to himself “I am being victimised”? One story, two characters, two positions, both compelled by different needs, one by abuse and the other by the fear of insecurity. Both are victims in their own respective paradigms.

THE SNAKE—BEING PROACTIVE Be the snake; be like the snake, not the proverbial snake that seduced Eve, but the snake in the rhyme above. Be the snake that said that the buck stops with him. Be the snake that took the responsibility. Be the snake! You cannot expect anyone to be taking initiative, anyone to be punctual, anyone to volunteer, anyone to willingly do anything extra, anyone to control their emotions,

Page |7 anyone to stop blaming others, anyone to go the extra mile, anyone to do anything by themselves unless they are responsible - to themselves first of all! Responsibility is a great word, a good word, everyone wants it. Nobody wants and likes to be told what to do; ‘disuruh’ (told/instructed to do) makes the person Orang Suruhan (servant). What is responsibility, what is being proactive? Being proactive has been defined by Dr. Stephen R. Covey, the author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, as being the product of your values and decisions and not of your feelings, moods, ego, conditions and other people’s treatment. It has also been defined as to be able to subordinate moods, feelings, impulses, conditions to your values that are aligned to principles. Reflecting the basic principle of being proactive, you are responsible for you own choices and have the freedom to choose. Being proactive is difficult. It is very difficult. And it is not about being nice to people. The problem here is, many people believe that they do not have a choice, and thus they function reciprocally to how they are being treated, or conditioned, or are feeling. The moment people function as such, they become reactive. Being responsible simply means, that a person is “response” “able,” or has the ‘ability’ to ‘respond’ to any given kind of situation, feelings, conditions and treatment. A person can therefore choose the type of response that he/she wants in any given situation. Take Badrul’s situation as an example. He could have taken the easy way out and done what was instructed by his boss Nazri. He did not, however, do that; instead he chose to advise his boss on what can be done. Let’s try to analyse this. Why did he ‘insubordinate’? In the first place, was it insubordination? Presumably, I would think, Badrul governed himself, in his day-to-day conduct by the rules, policies, values and mission of the organisation. After all, organisations are made of their mission, vision and values, where the values are the rules on how people are to be treated, how people are to behave towards each other, between bosses and subordinates and vice-versa. The rules and policies are about how to conduct the business of the organisation.

Page |8 By being integrated around that mission, vision, values, rules and policies, Badrul declined to carry out the instructions of Nazri. He suggested to the boss the manner such requests can be addressed; he was being guided by structures, systems and processes that existed in the organisation, and he was at all times conscious of what was happening and what could have been the outcome of that transaction. Many may have explained their perceived misery in the name of others and may have shirked their responsibilities by blaming others for their inability to act in a principle-centred manner. Their behaviour and decisions would have been driven by their environment. Their argument would have been that the environment, the spouse, the boss, the economy etc, did it to them. That, they had been mere victims of an existing ‘framework’ that they could not overcome and hence they acted and decided based on the stimulus.. Otherwise, they might say that they had psychic conditioning, that they had been brought up in a family environment where they were trained not to question or refuse the orders or instructions or ‘requests’ of the elders or people with authority. Or maybe, they would argue that they had inherited their genes from their ancestors, who were perhaps like that in the old days, obeying without question. Nurture or nature?. It is true to some extent that we are influenced by our nurturing and our genetic inheritance (nature). An extract from a religious writing says, ‘Anak-anak dilahirkan seperti sehelai kain puteh, terpulang kepada ibu-bapanya untuk mencorakkannya menjadi Yahudi, Nasrani, Majusi atau orang-orang yang beriman’ (children are born like a piece of white cloth, it is up to the parents to pattern them to be what they are supposed to be). The question is what if we have been patterned with the ugliest of patterns? Does that mean we have no way of changing the person we are? Being proactive is the way human beings are able to exercise their choices. Imagine that you are caught in the nurture and nature dilemma and that you are now in Badrul’s situation with his boss Nazri. Do you have the self-awareness of your dilemma, between the instruction and the conflict with the policies? Are you aware of your thoughts around the dilemma? Are you aware of your feelings, your fear and your uncertainties? Are you aware of the rules and policies in the organisation? Yes, you are aware.

Page |9 Can you imagine the things that will happen if you adhere to the instructions? Can you imagine the things that will happen if you don’t adhere to the instructions? Can you imagine what you can do to address the situation? Can you use your creative imagination to suggest to the boss what can be done? Yes, you can imagine. Do you need to refer to the rule books all the time to make your decisions? Does your heart or your conscience tell you what is right and what is wrong? Does your conscience tell you what you can do and what you cannot do? Yes, you know the rights from the wrongs. Do you have the will to act independently from the external influences and do you want to act independent of the boss’ wrongful instruction? Do you have the independent will to change yourself, do you want to change your situation, do you want to act on them? If we look at the religious standpoint from a Muslim perspective, it has also been said in the Al-Quran: Ar Ra’d [13.11]: He has attendant angels before him and behind him, who, by the Command of Allah watch over him. Allah does not change what is in a nation unless they change what is in themselves. Whenever Allah wants evil for a nation, none can ward it off. Other than Him, they have no guardian. What the Surah simply mean is that, Allah (god) will not chabe the fate of anyone, unless they work on the change themselves. By those words, nurture or nature can be assumed to be a temporary state, the parent’s nurturing and the genetic inheritance is a state of transition and it is up to the person to choose the kind of state they want to be in, or the kind of person they want to become. Thus, in Badrul’s case he chose to inform Nazri of what he cannot do and recommended what can be done and was not swayed by the external influences particularly of the social hierarchy, which was reflected in that instance by Nazri’s position power. Nazri chose to ignore his self-awareness, his vision of the future, his conscience and his independent will to act in the rightful manner. SO

P a g e | 10 So how can we do this - being responsible, and accept responsibility and choose according to our deepest values which are aligned to principles? First of all, we must have the sense of responsibility and awareness that we have the ability to choose our own responses in any given situation. Victor Frankl, in his autobiography “Man’s Search for Meaning, stated that the last human freedom is the ability to choose our responses in situations over which we have no control. When we can no longer change the situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. There were and are times we can, but not as often, choose the situations we are put into. These, in the context of fate, have been decided for us and bestowed upon us. We feel so frustrated and victimised in the situations we are in. In an organisational context, we cannot choose who our bosses are, the bosses can choose us. We cannot choose our assignments, but they get assigned to us. We cannot decide whether the road that we take is jammed or not, we cannot choose how people will treat us and we cannot choose whether it’s going to rain or not. Thus, our inability to ‘choose’ such things makes us feel frustrated, helpless, and victimised. We forget that we are not in control but we want to be in control. The key is to be aware, especially in such situations and generally in our day-to-day existence, which we are still able to choose our responses to the situation no matter how vexing the circumstances handed to us by the people involved or dictated by the environment concerned. This awareness should lead us to the second thing which is to be able to actually choose or control our attitude and responses in those situations. I can choose how to see a situation, and then choose my attitude towards it. The situation may be such that it the occurrences are against your values, for instance Badrul may have been wronged by Nazri, the boss, but he can choose his attitude towards the situation or the boss. Instead of detesting the situation Badrul can choose to look at it as a challenge. Instead of hating his boss he can look at his boss as someone who needs help, who may be ignorant of the rules and thus needs to be helped. Thirdly, we must understand that we need to act on those things that we can control, not on those that we cannot do anything about, yet. We are stressed by many concerns and those are usually things we cannot do anything about. We are concerned by the behaviour of our bosses, concerned about our career, concerned about increments, about the bonus, about promotions, we are concerned about the traffic jams, concerned about the rain that falls during the evening drive home, concerned about this and concerned about that. Proactive people do realise this reality. Reactive people hide

P a g e | 11 behind what they perceive or believe as ‘reality’ and use this as an excuse to bolster the decisions that they take. Reactive people tend to use the word ‘the reality is….’ to explain their choices not to respond according to their values. It is not that they cannot respond according to their values (which are hopefully in accord with principles), they choose not to respond according to their values. They choose to respond according to the dictates of circumstances and be swayed by people and considerations that provide ‘reason’ for them not to be value-based. To them the reality is that they cannot change anything. However, look at what they want to change; the boss’ behaviour, the rain, the traffic jams, and the problems they are in, the bonus, the salary increment and many more. They are being controlled by their concerns and that becomes a reality to them. Often their reality is their endless concern which stops at thought and does not extend to action. Proactive people are also concerned by those very things. The difference lies in that they don’t allow those ‘reactive realities’ to become the actual reality in their lives. They know they cannot change their bosses, they know they cannot stop the rain; they know they cannot stop the traffic jam from forming, but they know what they can influence. They can influence themselves! Badrul can influence how he deals with his boss. He is concerned about his salary increments, bonus and promotion, but he chose to influence those based on how he performs his duties and tasks, the quality of his work and his productivity. People are concerned about their job security, but they know no matter how they have performed, finally, it is the management who decides when to call for a Voluntary Separation Scheme which you can choose to apply for. However, someone else will choose if you qualify. It is also the management who calls for retrenchment. Proactive people influence their employability by continuously improving themselves. By continuously improving and upgrading and learning new skills and knowledge, they would remain employable even if it is not with the same employer. Gradually what they can influence will grow larger and eventually embrace all their concerns – those perceived ‘realities’ will shape themselves into a value-based reality that aligns with principles and influences others also to follow suit. I had mentioned to people who had worked with me before, several times, about what is being a professional; a professional is a person who does the things they do not like equally well to the things that they like.

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THEN Tough? Yes, I think everyone who has been through these situations knows that to be proactive is one of the toughest things to do. It is difficult because you need to be aware, identify, choose and most importantly act on the right things, and you must accept the responsibility to do so and of doing so. To be reactive is easy, you don’t need to take any responsibility and thus need not do anything, and everything will be done for you or rather you will end up doing what everyone wants you to do or what you think they want you to do. In the present climate, because of the social mirror, social norms, culture, and other external factors, people tend to be reactive. To be proactive you need to be responsible. What makes a person proactive? You need to identify a higher purpose, your end in mind around a balanced set of principles. Your role as a leader, especially as a leader to yourself is to pathfind. Focus on the right things. As the boss, you need to identify what is the meaning and purpose of your position; it’s definitely not to boss people around but to act as a facilitator to help others achieve the high-priority goals and to act as a translator to translate the goals of the organisation into something that is specific and clear that the team can align themselves to. You need to prepare yourself, focus on the important long term results that you want and that the organisation wants. Put first things first and execute those things. Align the structures, systems and processes. that the whole organisation is an eco-system, people are interdependent, they need to work together and in order to do that there must be trust and mutual benefit; and then you need to empower them. Thus, before you can get a win-win situation, you must think win-win first. How do you deal with someone who does not communicate well in order to deliver the wins for other people? Seek first to understand them, and only when they affirm your understanding, only then you can be better understood. You can only do those things when you choose to. Then you will get better results by creatively working together, to synergise. Finally, always look for ways to continuously improve, continuously learn in all the four dimensions that make the whole person whole,

P a g e | 13 physically, mentally, spiritually and socially/emotionally. Thus, you become the transition figure, who models, who walks the talk. Tough? It is tough, but as the cliché goes, when the going gets tough the tough get going. What happened to Badrul? Sadly GCB is not the same great company it used to be once, it chose to turn a blind eye to its employees and Badrul left GCB for new pastures. He is heading a department in the new company. He reports to the CEO. He travels overseas several times a year. Got married, has a kid. Nazri? Well you can pull the blinds on some the people some of the time but you cannot pull the blinds on all the people all the time. He too left GCB soon after Badrul, and landed in a new company, but then left soon after. When there is no sincerity in what you do, you would eventually be found out. So what do you do? Find new rocks to hide under…………

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CHAPTER 2 - IT HAPPENED

I would like to share with you some experiences that I had gathered in course of many years being involved with the 7 Habits material and also in course of me previously being a part of a large corporate organisation, examples of people who were caught in dilemmas, in dealing with choices, with their bosses and their everyday lives. Some of these situations were related to me by people I personally know, people who have stories to tell. Then too, I saw many types of incidences that fit into the very picture that I had painted in the previous chapter. Let me share with you experiences of real people, People who had gone through challenges, some maybe seen petty by some people but I would assure you they are not in the eyes of the beholders.

THE PERFORMANCE APPRAISAL I can safely say that many would people shake and shiver when it comes to the annual performance appraisal. Many do not like performance appraisal time; many would want to avoid it if they possibly can. It is one of the most awkward moments in the year where you are given s of how you had performed during the year. The awkward moment being to start to fence and parry. The most awkward moment is to give of your performance especially when you were never given a clear performance standard to comply to to begin with. This incident that I am about to share with you happened in a large reputable financial organisation, related to me by the person herself. Of how she was appraised by her manager, how unclear expectations were, how she felt she was victimised, and how power came to play. Let’s give the person a name, Sherry. Sherry was an istrative assistant in one of the many departments in the organisation. She was in her fifteenth year with the organisation when I met her where she was a participant in one of the seminars that I was conducting. From the interactions that we had during the three day program, she seemed to be a person who is dedicated to her work and assignments, but something seem not to be right. And one day, she related to me this:

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It happened during their end of the year performance appraisal, a moment that many people, as she mentioned, dreaded. Then it her turn came. The manager went through the usual dog and pony show. Informing her how well she had performed during the year, and how she had achieved her Key Performance Indicators (KPI). From the performance rating system adopted by the organisation, where you are rated between 1 to 5, 1 is when you did not meet your annual KPI and performed badly, and 5 when you not only exceeded your KPI but also performed excellently, with the manager mentioning that she had met her KPIs, she expected that she would be rated as a ‘3,’ meeting KPIs. Suddenly the manager dropped a bomb-shell, “Sherry, I cannot rate you a ‘3’ and have to rate you as a ‘2’ since you are being friendly to a person that I don’t like.” To be rated a ‘2’ tells you that your performance have not met the agreed upon annual KPI. And how devastated would you be when you are informed by your manager that your performance only deserves a ‘2?’ And the worst thing was that, you were rated based on a not-mentioned before performance measurement criteria, “Mixing with people boss don’t like list.” Just imagine that, just imagine also, if any of your loved ones, who so happen to work in the same organisation, being on the list. Managers have this technique of conducting performance appraisal; first give a glowing tribute to your performance, telling the candidate of how well they had performed during the year in appraisal. All the positively sweet things, sugar coating everything; how they have been excellently doing their jobs, being involved in the activities of the department or organisation. Then, to suck out all the sweetness and energy by giving the candidate, the stick, like the one handed to Sherry. So Sherry with great pains asked me, “What should I do?” What can she do? “What do you think you should do?” I asked her back. This is where, how you felt about the incident, knowing what to do, wanting to do it and actually doing it comes together. And what a dilemma we are in when all three come together.

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First of all, Sherry was fully aware of the wrong treatment she was receiving from her manager. On how she was appraised and how the benchmark used was something not informed to her. Of how she felt by being treated the way she was treated. Then she started to explore her options, she cannot turn back time, but she sure can explore what to do next, the next time the KPIs are being discussed, and the next performance appraisal, how she can opt to respond to the manager’s appraisal. How she can choose to enquire from the manager of what other performance criteria being used to appraise her performance. She can also explore the option of not doing anything, and just let things continue as it is and continue being the victim she thought she was. Then she would need to evaluate what are the right and wrong options, and the consequences of acting on those options. And please understand that we are only in control of our actions, we can imagine but not in control of the consequences. I bet in her heart, Sherry knows that she needs to act on the right things; it is just not right to be the victim she felt she was. Finally after having evaluated all her options, the rights and the wrongs, she needs to act on her choice. This is where many of us failed, actually knowing what to do and actually carrying them out are two different things. Sherry might be aware of her choices and each of her choices would carry their own respective consequences, some are positive some are negative. For instance, should she choose to highlight to her manager of how unfair the manager have been treating her, the manager may use his position/power to ‘black-list’ her. Or even that the manager will not say or do anything otherwise and let it remain and linger. The manager may act on the unfair treatment that Sherry had experience and try to better the situation. Choices! Choices! Choices! And sometimes people prefer not to act on those choices and let things remain as it is and hope that the manager would one day come to realise his follies and act on them and in the mean time Sherry would continue feeling like a victim. To this very day, I do not know what action Sherry took, as I have not been in touched. You may wonder what my advice was to her, and this was what I said to her, “During the KPI discussion and after all the need to be achieved had been discussed and highlighted, you may want to ask your manager a question. Ask him, ‘Is there anything

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else that I need to comply to, for example, are there anyone that I need to avoid and is there any behaviour that I need to comply and avoid so as not jeopardise my performance ratings?’”

DO AS I SAY This happened to person I personally know, Raymond, who so happen to work in a manufacturing concern and was responsible for procuring raw materials required for the products that they are manufacturing. In procuring the raw materials, he has to comply to certain quality standards that in return would ensure the quality of the finished goods and the materials being sourced comes from all over the world and he had to deal with middlemen, transporters, regulatory bodies, and any players involved in getting the materials to the door step of the factory, and some of them had been doing business with the company for many years. There were many competing manufacturers who would source for the same raw materials as they were producing similar goods. The raw materials were organic, and were subject to quality issues and the costs of the materials fluctuate like any great economic situations, supply and demand. So he was fighting a battle against not only the competitors but also suppliers who would sometimes play the competitors against each other and also the statutory bodies’ bureaucracies, and anything beyond these is not going to help his cause much. Sometimes during the year, the company appointed a new CEO, Gerald, and like any good CEO, Gerald called for a briefing from each manager to learn and understand the business and see what he can do to improve. And Raymond duly did his briefing and also highlighted the challenges he faced in carrying out his responsibilities. Many months ed by and Gerald had gotten more and more involved in the decision making process and up to a point was seem to be actively participating in the respective functions day-to-day operations, pointing out what to do and what not to do, and Raymond was not spared either. And this seems to go on. One day Gerald called upon Raymond and enquired, “Raymond, why is the raw material cost have been fluctuating up and down and why are they not pegged to a certain ceiling price?”

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Raymond in his good natured manner then replied, “You see Gerald, we have been sourcing the raw materials from various suppliers and they in return have been sourcing them from many locations. We had agreed that the quality of the raw materials that we are going to use for our finished products must comply with a 98% compliance threshold as a standard and that is a high compliance standard that we are imposing on the suppliers,” he responded. Raymond then continued to say, “There are not many locations in the world that would be able to comply to the standard that we are imposing and from what I gather, the suppliers are having difficulties themselves in containing the price fluctuations, as the there are various costs elements that are not within their control. These would include the cost incurred by the people who extract the raw materials, and the bulk transporters and carriers themselves.” Gerald responded, “I want you to do as I say. You tell the suppliers that the price per tonne will be pegged at the value that was agreed upon earlier this year and we would not pay a single sen more!” Raymond was caught in a situation where the CEO had decreed that the company will not entertain any price fluctuation for the materials they are purchasing and knowing the fact that price fluctuation is there to stay because of cost elements that were beyond the control of the various parties involved, and yet to comply to the quality standard imposed. Raymond tried to convince Gerald of the futility of trying to peg the price and he was rebuked for what was perceived as favouring the suppliers. Being the responsible person he is, he duly called all suppliers and to advice them of the instruction Gerald had imposed on to them, pegging the price at a certain level per tonnage and to comply to the 98% quality threshold. The suppliers were far from happy with the development and they started to impose their own demands. One supplier said, “We would comply to that if you agree to accept a 90 tonne delivery at any one time.” This was three times the usual amount of delivery the company can take at any one time. If the raw materials are not consumed within a certain period of time would render them deteriorating below the quality standard.

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Another supplier indicated, “You can have the price per tonnage you demanded if you lower you quality standards to 95% instead of the 98% you usually impose on us, not anything higher.” “You can have the material at the prices you want, if you provide the transportation from the source location till your door step,” quoted one supplier bearing in mind that the materials were sourced in remote locations, overseas. He tried reasoning with the suppliers, calling in the favours and the leeway he had previously provided them. And they explained to Raymond of their situations and they stood by their position. He went to Gerald informing him of the demands made by the suppliers which was responded with “Do as I say!” So Raymond was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. What would you do in Raymond’s place? “When we can no longer change the situation, we are challenged to change ourselves,” said Victor Frankl. That was what he exactly did, and I will not judge his actions, but changed his actions he did. After he evaluated his options and saw no way out, the situation had reached to an ime, a no win situation, and he decided to do something different. He realised that Gerald had never had any s or interactions with any of the suppliers, and all these while whatever communications between the company and the suppliers were done through him, and since Gerald became the CEO he hardly have time to meet any of the vendors and suppliers. So one day he arranged for a meeting between Gerald and the suppliers. So they can meet face-to-face, to try to understand each other out, feel each other out, and maybe to thrash out whatever differences that they have, between the suppliers and the company. Raymond needs to work up extra courage and consideration, to advice Gerald of his intentions, and to duly convince the suppliers of the same thing. And he advised both parties that when the meeting take place, he would not t them.

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So on the evening the meeting actually took place, Raymond excused himself and he was not even around when the suppliers arrived for the meeting. And he did not know what transpired. The very same night, Gerald rang Raymond up and said, “The suppliers and I, we had discussed things and have come to an agreement….” When we can no longer change the situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

I DON’T KNOW HOW TO READ Many years ago, I was conducting a workshop for a certain manufacturing concern at an off-site location. After everyone, including me had introduced ourselves; we embarked on the 3-day long workshop. During the course of the workshop, participants were required to do exercises found in their participant workbook, and this was when I started to realise a participant, Long, who did not do much writing, for that matter she was not writing at all. Alarmed by what I saw, my first thought was she might not be interested. But I was forced to challenge my paradigm when during group work sessions; she was actively participating, expressing her ideas and opinions. As the day progress the situation with her writing, did not change. So I decided to try to find out why. As the first day progressed to an end, before everyone left for their rooms, I approached Long and said to her, “During the writing exercises, I saw that you were not writing. Is there anything that I can do to help?” She paused a long pause. From the looks on her face, I know that Long was ill at ease by my question and I decided to change my approach and said, “If there is anything that you need help about you can tell me.” With her eyes cast downwards, I saw that it was very difficult for her to open up. I guess she must have needed to work on extra courage to tell me these, “I don’t know how to read and I don’t know how to write.” She said softly.

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With another friend of her present, we sat down and she began to share with me the following story: She came from a broken family. When she was at a very young age, her father and mother decided to end their marriage. At that time, Long being the eldest at five years old, has three other siblings. The father left the family, and the mother one day maybe decided that she could not cope with four young children, too left. Long and her siblings were taken in by a relative who has a family of his own. With the extra mouths to feed, Long started to help at her young tender age, by selling ‘kuih’ (cakes). Peddling her kuih around the kampung she was staying to get some pocket money and to help her uncle and family to make ends meet. When the time came for her to be enrolled in a school, the family she was staying with, decided that they could not afford to spent on her education. Thus she did not enjoy the one thing children her age enjoyed. School! Long continued selling kuih, peddling them all around the kampung she had been staying for the last many years and doing it diligently. But now, instead of the pocket money, she resolved that every sen that she earned selling kuih will be used to put each of her siblings through the one thing she did not get to go to. School! As the years gone by, Long had managed to put every one of her younger siblings through school. She worked every single day to earn enough so that her siblings were not deprived of what she had missed. When I met Long during the workshop, she was in her mid-20’s, and had worked with the manufacturing concern for several years. She was responsible for the quality control of the finished goods, at the end of the manufacturing process. When I spoke to one of the managers of the company, he told me that Long had been accorded the “Employee of the Year Award” several times, not once, it was no flash in the pan. She had travelled alone, half the peninsular, to work in the company, sending money back to her siblings without fail. The day we spoke, Long and her siblings were now staying together in the same house. And they were already teaching Long how to read and write.

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CAN I HELP YOU WITH THAT? ‘Tea Lady’ that was what her job title said. Kathy, in her mid-40’s, was a tea lady in a financial institution. She was attached to a certain floor in a large multi-story building, making anda serving coffee and tea to the people there and to visitors who occasion the floor for meetings or discussions. If she had a job description, Kathy’s would most probably read like this; ‘Preparing beverages, coffee and tea, for the staff and visitors. Each working day, in the morning and afternoon after lunch hour or when the occasion necessitates such beverages. The person would be responsible to manage and order the inventory of coffee and tea making material, including sugar, creamer and the cleanliness of the pantry. The person reports to the istration executive. Minimum academic qualification, primary school education, can read and write.’ Just visualise a typical day at work Kathy would have. Arrive at work around 8.45 in the morning, set her personal items aside. Then boiled water using the electric kettle a few minutes after that so piping hot water is available when people start to arrive to work. Take out the pots and wipe them clean put some coffee powder and tea bags in the respective pots. Assuming the cups and the mugs are in the pantry, she needs to arrange them out on the trolley that she would take on her rounds. By 9.00 a.m. the coffee and tea are ready in their respective pots and the mugs and cups to. Make sure the creamer and sugar packets are stocked enough on the trolley. 9.10 a.m. Kathy would check with the respective people, whether any meeting was to be held during the day and the number of people in attendance. By that time most of the people on the floor have already turned up, some would go to the pantry to help themselves with coffee and tea. 9.15 a.m. till about 9.45 a.m. Kathy would be making her rounds on the floor serving coffee and tea, by which she would already have served in the occupied meeting rooms

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10.00 a.m. she would most probably be checking on the meeting rooms, for any replenishments. Making sure the pots of coffee and tea are filled for second helping. And she would then do her inventory, checking, filling out the order forms and have them sent to the istration department, a tasks most probably done once a fortnight or a month. By 10.30 a.m. what needs to be done in the morning are now done. By then, she would sit down, do some reading, chat with the cleaners, and other people who occasion the pantry where she is stationed, make some phone calls and by 12.00 p.m. she is ready to start doing her rounds again, now collecting the used cups and mugs and the pots in the office and the meeting rooms to get them ready for another round in the afternoon. In the afternoon she would have made her rounds by 2.30 p.m. and at 4.00 p.m. collecting the cups and the mugs and the pots and by 4.45 p.m. her work is done for the day. Tomorrow would be another round of the same things. Talk about routines and monotony. One day, Kathy, being a staff of the bank attended a workshop, and during the workshop she saw her work life flew by. She thought that things must change a little. She needed improvements and some excitements in her work life. She came to office with vigour and energy. She wanted some changes. What happened next came as a very big surprise to everyone on the floor. After the morning chores are all done, she stood in front of the pantry and scanned the whole floor. Looking and watching people, typing and fielding phone calls, busy with their work. Pushing and shuffling paper typing their reports on the computers. Then with great courage and humility she took her first step forward. She walked towards one of the executive, whom she saw was talking on the phone and typing something on her computer. Kathy just stood next to the person, waited patiently until she finishes her phone call and then said, “Can I help you with that?” The executive turned around, looking at the person who had offered her help, and saw it was just Kathy.

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Looking rather taken aback that it was Kathy the tea lady, she timidly replied, “It’s okay, I can handle this. Not a problem, just a little thing that needs to be done.” Kathy moved away and went to another person, and offered to help. And an almost similar response was heard. This went on for a while. Then Kathy walked dejectedly back to her corner in the pantry. Who would blame them so refusing the help? She was a tea lady after all, what does she know about typing those papers, let alone use the computer. She doesn’t know head or tail about computers, let alone knowing the difference between a keyboard and a monitor and a mouse and a disc drive. Between a spreadsheet and a word processor, bet bolds and italics, and underscore. Let’s not talk about the amount of mistakes and the kind of speed she would be at if the job was ed to her. For several days it just went like that. Imagine the kind of talks going on in the office concerning what Kathy had done, a tea lady offering assistance to executives. She can’t type, she can’t make head or tail about the computers, and what she is an expert in was tea and coffee making. One day she saw the company’s training calendar. And published in it was a training program, basic word processing, and she decided to enrol and I bet it got everyone’s, in the training department, tongues wagging. And there went Kathy, being the only tea lady in the three day course. She learned and practiced, putting aside the embarrassment she felt initially. After the training was over, she went again asking, “Can I help you with that?” And she faced another round over rejection. In the mornings she came to work earlier than usual, looked for any available computers at empty desks to practice her word processing. Then one day, she submitted her loan application, to buy a personal computer. I guess the assumption was that it would be mainly used by her children. It would be inconceivable for a tea lady to be using a computer.

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Of which she then used to practice her word processing at home. After the initial rejections and with her persistency and patients, Kathy started to do the things she have always wanted to do, helping others and that’s not just by being the tea lady, but expanding her span of assistance. I am very sure that you had observed much different irable behaviour by people, amazed by how they had acted, how they responded, how differently they act, and sometimes these are just small insignificant acts that brought significant outcomes. How we sometimes thought, “If only the situation was different, then maybe I can be like that.” We are being put into many different situations and many of those situations are difficult and challenging. And we do not like the challenges. We hope, we pray that the situations would change; other people would change so we can change. Many times executives and managers would say “How the situation change when my boss do not change?” “We are just like that, the reality is the situation is just like that, what can we do about it?” “Our culture is like that what.”

People expressed their helplessness to change the situation and to change others. The culture has been there ever since so long and before their time. What can they do about it? NOTHING! That is exactly correct; you cannot change the situations and the people, except changing yourself in those situations and when you deal with others.

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Chapter 3 – Helplessness

“Nak buat macam mana, dah macam tu.” (What can you do about it, its just like that). “Our culture is like that what!” (We had inherited whatever is presently being practiced). “I don’t think I can do anything about the systems, it’s the management’s decision.” “I spoke to them, but they are not doing anything about it.” Many people feel they are helpless to act. In feeling helpless, they tend not to do anything because they tend to feel that there is nothing they can do or change. I am not going to write about the feelings of helplessness and despair that people suffer or feel in when they are dying or down and out on their luck, left behind, abandoned by their loves ones or when their loves one died on them. I am just going to share with you the feeling of helplessness that one feel in the office, with their bosses, colleagues, subordinates, clients and about any other people they come into with. I just want to write about what happen in the office. When I came out of college to work, it was at the wrong end of the 1980s, jobs were hard to come by, and the country was in a recession. I walk the length and breadth of Jalan Tuanku Abdul Rahman and Jalan Bukit Bintang and all over Kuala Lumpur and up and down the stairs of many buildings with copies of my CV in hand looking for a job. But alas the country was in recession and no job was to be found for a young fresh graduate with no job experience. I want to have money to do things a young man would want to do. I taking the bus from my hometown in Kajang to Kuala Lumpur almost everyday to look for a job. Many of my friends were fortunate to get a job the day they left college and several of them were doing their degrees. My first serious job was with a property valuer company. A friend recommended me to the job and I reported for duty, eager to earn a living.

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The education that I got in college did not prepare me for the job, I was totally unprepared. I came to work as an s clerk, and my job was to prepare and manage the s of the company. What happened on the very first day caught me by surprise. The majority of the employees of the company were valuers; they need to travel the whole country to do their job, that is to value properties, land and building, that were transacted between sellers and buyers. In the course of their job, they would incur expenses like travelling and subsistence expenses that need to be compensated. Since they knew that a new s clerk was present, the swarmed to my desk and asked about their expense claims. To say that I was overwhelmed was an understatement. I was lost, I was ignorant and I do not know what they were talking about and I do not know what to do. I was helpless. I have not even started the day; the bosses were not in yet to brief me of what to do, where the books were, how much updates need to be done since the last time the books were updated, reconciliations and so on and so forth. And now a crowd of valuers were at my table to know about the status of their claims. I told them that it was my first day at work and I have yet to be brought up to speed and managed to get some breathing space only after I promised them that I would look into their concerns. I had found out that it had been more than 3 months since they had been paid for their claims, and more claims had been submitted since.

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Chapter 4 – Everyday Proactivity

I am not an angel, neither am I all white in my heart, but I try to practice the habits. Hence I am sharing with you some insight and perspective on how to face the various challenging situations we face everyday. And I am not going to give you, sometimes ‘goody, idealistic answers.’ I may even tell you to just quit your job. Everyday we are being challenged in many different situations, everywhere, anywhere, by everyone and anyone. Sometimes we are challenged by the very people that work with and live with. Sometimes we are challenged by the very situation we always want to avoid and the most impropriate time. These are many a times simple day-to-day situations; traffic jams, queue jumping, discussions and meetings, the baby crying, the wife talking (or nagging), the parents complaining, people whining, unwarranted comments and remarks, biasness, such situations that we face everyday. Sometimes the situations we are faced with require us to draw on all the strength of the proactive muscles, just to stop ourselves from blurting out words that we would later regret. These are typically the moments that our proactivity are being tested, the small situations and moments. I attempt not to prescribe answers to these testing situations neither would I judge, but what I would do is to share how people had handled such situations and managed not be reactive to the person or situation that was testing them. Many people wait and long for the big, dramatic, earth shattering moments to test their proactive muscles and Dr. Covey likened these moments to the ability to do twenty push-ups. The thing is, how would you be able to do twenty push-ups when you have not been able to do one push-up? The day-to-day test should be seen as an exercise, one push-up situations, that if we can handle them properly would enable us to build the proactive muscles. The small day-to-day tests must be seen as preparing us towards building stronger, larger proactive muscles that would allow us to face the big, dramatic, earth shattering moments. It’s not easy; it’s a slow and sure process, baby steps, unsure and sometimes stumbling process but a surely process that would grow the muscles.

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How many times have someone jumped the queue over you? How many times unwarranted remarks were made of you? Have you ever been in situations where your opinions and ideas were being belittled? Have you ever seen people complaining how unfairly have they been treated? Ever wondered why sometimes people hated being a meeting or for that matter attending a meeting? What happened to that guy who came to work looking rather dishevelled? Have you heard people griping and complaining of other people and situations? Time and time again, we come across some or all those situations or we ourselves experienced those situations at one time or another. And these are tests, tests that would help us anyone else to build that muscle, and then building muscle to be stronger and stronger and stronger. These small acts of proactivity would help us prepare for the larger, more dramatic situations. These big dramatic situations would require a larger amount of proactivity to be drawn from us. What do I consider the larger, bigger dramatic moments? I would suggest some of them would include; deaths in the family or people closest to us, loss of employment and properties, getting the bad news that you have been dumped, being in a natural disaster, the bad news that you are not getting the promotion that you expected to get. Having a terrible accident or crash, being told that you are suffering a terminal illness could be lumped into these big dramatic situations. Maybe for some these would include having the laundry losing their favourite dress, not being treated nicely by the waiter, being stood up by their dates, missing the last bus or train, missing their flights and such things that some people may consider as trivial. This chapter would try to explore the various everyday occurrences that most of us would encounter that maybe we can use to start exercising our proactive muscles.

QUEUE JUMPERS/JUMPING My favourite subject and the thing I hate most. I am very sure that many of us have had experience being queue jumped at the LRT stations, while on the road, waiting in line to buy the cinema tickets, at the ATMs, in the buffet lines, while in the line to pay the bills, at the department store, in the hypermarket and in many other situations and occasions. Oh! How I hate queue jumpers. How do you deal with these challenges and stay sane and not lose your marbles?

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Being proactive means that you abide by the principles that you have a choice, you are responsible for your own choices, and also that you can choose your own actions but not the consequences of those actions. By these principles, from my own personal experiences you would be able to be proactive while facing the challenges of queue jumping. One other thing that you would need to understand is that, being proactive does not mean that you need to be nice, and if you want to be nice it does not mean that you need to deny that you are being angry, or bothered, or even being annoyed by the situation. You can do all those nicely though.

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