The Monster Moms: The Indelible Footprints 574i21

THE MONSTER MOMS

The Indelible footprints.

BY

Avani Manish Guri

ISBN 9789354583827 © Avani Manish Guri 2021 Published in India 2021 by Pencil

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DISCLAIMER: The opinions expressed in this book are those of the authors and do not purport to reflect the views of the Publisher.

Author biography

Dr. Avani Guri is a practising dentist since last 20 years at Ghatkopar Mumbai. While dentistry is her profession, her ion includes writing blogs on parenting in a humorous manner. The ion for writing comes from a background of having exposure to the best classics during her childhood. So when her dad got Gone with the wind, he did inspire her that Margaret Mitchell wrote her book at a later age, hoping she would take the cue. While it seemed like a far fetched dream, writing short funny blogs on a parenting site was a way to pen down her outlook and her experiences. This book compiles some of the funny blogs. She loves travelling, making friends, yoga and dancing. Her son Jay is the central character as the blogs were centered around him. She has tried to capture the child's emotions as some strong statements by her husband or her son stuck with her and made her realise some intrinsic changes she needed to undergo. She herself is a Monster Mom, while being the daughter of THE INVISIBLE MOM.

Contents

HUSH... MONSTER MOM IS PROWLING

RUMMY WITH BAA

LOOK MA; I AM A KINGFISHER BIRD!

LOOK THERE IS A TIGER MOM!

The AVENGING MOMMY AND THE ALIEN TEENAGER

THE WHISPERING MOUNTAINS

THE REAL MOM - THIS IS ME

MOM, I HAVE COME IN THIS WORLD TO ENJOY!

HELP!THERE IS AN ALIEN IN MY HOUSE!

THE PARENTING TRAP

THE GREY-HAIRED MOMMY!

LOCKDOWN HYPOCRITE MOMS

THE MEAN MOMS

HOW TO GET THE ALIEN TEENAGERS TO STUDY

TOP 10 REASONS WHY I HATE VACATIONS

MAA KA KHAANA

MOMS,HOW TO SURVIVE BAD COOKING DAYS!

LOCKDOWN MOMMY!

SUPER KIDS OR SUPER CLONES

MOM,DON'T BE SO LAZY!

MATH O MANIA

THE CRAZY MOTHERS

WHY I ENJOY DEFEATING MY SON AT GAMES

THE GURM MONSTER

THE SWEET REVENGE

THE INVISIBLE MOMS AND THE ALIEN CHILD

THE PETTY DEAL

HUSH... MONSTER MOM IS PROWLING

It is that time of the year when I dig into the recesses of my wardrobe and pull out the hideous Monster Mom costume with bloodshot eyes and venom dripping fangs! I remain in character for the next 15 days and not once do I let my guard down! The Monster Mom prowls around the house with a perpetual frown and pounces on any errant comics lazing on the sofa, any video games mischieviously lying around or any muted television sessions. Everyone is scared of the Monster Mom. The Monster Mom serves bitter tea, burnt bread and misshapen rotis. Meal times are a formality and food is cooked only as a necessity. The house is converted into a battle zone and the war cries are heard at regular intervals with a ferocity that scares residents five floors above and below their house. The maids tiptoe in the house and do their work in absolute silence ,washing steel plates with the delicacy of handling glass so as to not add to the chaos. Hubby dearest wears his invisibility cloak and slithers in the house so as to avoid the line of control. He enters the house after night time when there is a truce and sneaks out before day time to avoid entering the chakravyuh of this battle. The enemy camp is ready with the slippery eel costume which is very handy. The battle lines are drawn and the sides are taken. Surprisingly, the Monster Mom camp is deserted while the enemy camp has a lot of ers. The first line of defense are the maids who make sure to ask really silly queries about chopping vegetables or dusting when they sense a hand-to-hand mortal combat, thereby assisting the eel in slipping away. The second level of defense are the neighbors who are planted as spies by the invisible hubby. They report any suspicious battle cry or activity to hubby dearest who calls up with the offer of a movie date to convince the normal mummy to return. However, the Monster Mummy is made of sterner stuff and is invincible to the temporary pleasures!!!! The thunderous battle cries terrify the neighbors who live a few floors above and below. The strongest ally that the enemy camp has are his comrades in arms who are

stationed at pre-determined zones. Two of his partners-in-crime stand outside the chakravyuh (not daring to breach it for the fear of being blasted) and ring the bell at various intervals (after every half hour) to inquire about the battle status. If this doesn't work, the next partners-in-crime (who have finished their battles well in advance and were not to be seen all those days as they had surrendered to their moms!!!!) are stationed at the intercoms who also call up at regular intervals for the truce timings! Lastly these friends cum foes deliver the final thrust for the mega action plan...........THEY SAY THAT THE PLAYTIME WILL CONTINUE BUT IT IS THE EEL'S TURN TO CONTRIBUTE THE CRICKET BALL; SO HE MUST! THE SHOW MUST GO ON .....WITHOUT HIM!!!! This is CHANAKYA NITI and the slippery eel wears his boots, takes his bat and starts giving random answers to every question. The CHAKRAVYUH is breached and he slowly inches his way towards the lobby while trying to evade the darts being thrown at him. The Monster Mom is left all alone with her weapons and no enemy camp! HER WEAPONS OF TORTURE lie unused in her WhatsApp group where group had posted all the trickiest questions. In fact the eel's favorite grouse is that the teachers are kinder than the Monster Moms. None of the fifty odd tricky questions for which he was grilled and tortured over made their appearance in the exam paper. In fact, the simplest googly was thrown to them and because Monster Moms had tortured them so much, they couldn't quite handle that!!! The Monster Mom complicates the simplest of things!! The day the exams are over ,the costumes are put back in the wardrobes. Both of us take a deep breath, heave a sigh of relief and say "Hurrah!!!!!!Mummy and Sonny are back! Exams are done!!!"

RUMMY WITH BAA

My 85 year old grandma is a terror octogenarian. She wakes up by 5 a.m., has her bath, then has her breakfast with tea and a nap at 9 a.m. She has her lunch by 11 a.m.,again a nap at 1 p.m. and her afternoon tea at 2 p.m. Then, she is ready for the most interesting part of her schedule-a game of rummy with my mom. The day cannot progress without her card game. This is after she has survived a stroke, a hip fracture and a gall bladder removal! This is not a setback to her authority. In fact she loves to throw her weight around and gets pampered in return. Being a married daughter, I am equally pampered at my mom's house during my stays. So my holidays at my parents's place run on a tight schedule. I have friends to catch up with, dinners with my cousins, shopping, sleeping, visiting my relatives' places and again some more shopping if time is left. On numerous occasions, my 11 year old son stays back when I go to pick up some petty things. He also gets a free rein with his TV sessions as I get on with my shopping escapades. My grandma observed my behavior with a grim look. I could sense she didn't like it. She looked forward to my stay so she could talk to me, be satisfied that my hubby is keeping me happy (grandmas always feel they could have secured better hubbies for their adorable daughters) So one fine day, as I was getting ready to go out again,she asked me, "Will you play rummy with me?It is your mom's duty, but she is too tired today and so she is resting. You do know that I have no other means of entertainment." I felt cornered and trapped. I was again planning on catching up with some of my school friends. But seeing the look in her eyes,I relented. Soon the game of rummy started. The fragile looking grandma was as aggressive as a tigress in the game .I lost three games in a row!!! I was left scratching my head. Was it a sleight of hand or some trick up her sleeve? The rules were always working in her favor or was she making new rules? My mom was asleep so I couldn't crosscheck. Soon my son ed the game. His TV remote lay forgotten and slyly, he sided with the winning team! That's the thanks I got for those innumerable chocolates and icecreams!

As my son got engrossed,my Baa gave her cards to him and said "You continue. It's time for my nap again.'' Was it a smile or a mischievous gleam in her eyes? Soon my traitor son defeated me at all games; clearly he learnt the game from a cardsharp lady. Hours ed by. I kept on losing; my son was hopping with joy and my grandma was snoring away to glory. My friends were forgotten, shopping seemed unimportant and the day seemed relaxing. Was it a lesson my Grandma wanted to teach me? That u can enjoy without mindlessly running about to be at the best dining ts and catch the latest movies? That quality time with family is the most entertaining moment which doesn't burn a hole in your pocket? That A GAME OF RUMMY WITH BAA would be so thought provoking and therapeutic? That day we earned crores of happiness points without spending a penny.

LOOK MA; I AM A KINGFISHER BIRD!

Look Ma..I am a Kingfisher bird! A 6 year old boy excitedly running to his mom and telling her about his role in the musical play for the Annual day in his school met a furious mom who thought the teachers had been unfair or the child hadn't auditioned well to get a better part. The child kept on describing the whole play excitedly, while the mom observed a grim silence. The child was my son and the furious competitive mother was me who couldn't understand why her son wouldn't fight for better roles. The conversation went as follows: Son: Mom It is a part and I like it. Mom: But what will you do as a Kingfisher bird? Son: Listen to me...I get to be in the front.I am the only BIRD. All my other friends like monkeys, lion etc. etc. are in groups. Mom: (Half listening,while the injustice of it all was not allowing me to see the brighter side of things.) Son: But my costume is so colourful!It has lovely wings which flap! Mom: What is your role and how long will you be on stage? (Still not willing to see the beauty of the costume). Son: My costume has longest beautiful wings. All my friends loved my costume. Mom: You will not say a word on stage??? Son: I come twice on stage. I am the only one to come up two times. I am an important part of the play. Mom: I don't know,I will talk to the teacher about it. Dad: (Extremely irritated and annoyed with Mom) Why are you interfering in his school activities? They must have decided according to the child.Let him do his part. Don't demotivate him.

Mom: (Still furious and dejected,but couldn't argue much with dad for the fear of escalating matters kept quiet,but simmered with rage at the school and somewhere even at my tiny 6 year old.) Why couldn't he have tried harder? On the day of the Annual day function, as we dressed our Kingfisher bird all glorious and magnificient in blue and the most colourful wings ever, I kissed him and told him to do well. The littlest boy put his arms around me and kissed me, still a bit dejected because his mom didn't like his part. When the play was announced and we looked excitedly for our son, we realised that each and every child was playing an amazing part. Each child's role and presence was vital to the play. The coordination, the tremendous efforts on the part of teachers to teach these little ones, to give them confidence to come on stage was overwhelming. My child was not a part...a role; he was a bigger part of the whole show which had been put on. As I was overwhelmed and had tears of embarassment over my negativity over the Annual day concert, there came my beautiful bird flapping his most colourful wings on stage. His pride at following his part perfectly was evident! He was THE PART of the whole show. I was sobbing just looking at the mighty show put on by these tiny 6 year olds. As my son had said, he had come twice on stage, oncce during the opening performance and once again, towards the closing ceremony. My little boy was more mature than me. Accepting his role and playing it perfectly was his goal, rather than asking for bigger roles. We went home a slightly more happy family and I, hopefully a wiser mom. Me: (Hugging my little one and telling him sorry for all the mean things I told him) He: See Mom! I told you....I get to come up on stage twice, excited and happy about his performance, forgetting about his competitive mom.

LOOK THERE IS A TIGER MOM!

"Ankit,come on,pedal properly!Ankit, don't just float; try to use your hands.Come on,you can do better.We have only 10 days to learn". This shrill voice jolted me out of my reverie as usually the swimming pool is very peaceful. Summers had started and so had my son's swimming sessions. Initially, I used to him for swimming sessions,but of late I preferred to catch up on my reading and leave him to his coach. Every 15 minutes or so I would just check on his progress and murmur some words of encouragement. He had his usual routine of some free-style laps followed by breast strokes and then finally butterfly strokes. It was a routine between him and his coach, so I saw no need to interrupt their session. So this intrusion into my peaceful session was quite annoying, and I looked up to see the source. I saw an overenthusiastic mom hovering on the poolside and prompting her son to get on with his swimming. To my utter amazement, the object of her instructions was a cute little 5 year old boy. I thought that the coach must have gone out for some time and so the mom was carrying on with the coaching (although she could have been better off coaching inside the pool by swimming along with her son rather than the numerous technical instructions being doled out to him) "Come on, don't stop, keep pedaling. Go faster,head ", the instructions continued. I got up to call the coach, but to my surprise, the coach was in the pool along with the child and silently guiding him to make the right moves and perfect his technique. I was not able to see the coach initially as the mom was blocking my view of the pool by constantly moving to and fro. What was she trying to achieve? I thought, thoroughly irritated by now. I could sense that she was coming in the way of the coach and the poor child was confused between the two sets of instructions. He wanted to please his mommy and was trying his best . He is such a small child. He has a lifetime to learn and imbibe. Why is the mom rushing him so? Why not let him enjoy the refreshing dip in the pool and splash around? You cannot learn from two masters! Doesn't she realize that she is cutting a very negative image in front of others? With these thoughts spiraling out of control in my mind, I got up to give her a piece of my mind. Don't be a

TIGER MOM! Let the child ; he is learning from the best coach. DON'T interfere! Just when I was about to open my mouth, some scenes flashed across my mind. A 5 year old cute little boy bawling his heart out while skating as he hated it, yet the heartless mom urging him to go faster, a 6 year old boy punching the keys of his keyboard with a vengeance as he abhorred it, yet the mom convincing him to keep on continuing the sessions, the child throwing tantrums during his music sessions and the mom bribing him each time!.......... That mom was me and that child was my son. That TIGER MOM was me? The pride I had on my parenting dissolved. I was stunned at this flashback. Did some other mom judge me at that time? It is so easy to judge others and so difficult to introspect! Perhaps each parenting style is unique and everyone is the best parent for their child! Now it's time for my son's studies. "Jay,enough fooling around! Come out this moment. We have exams from tomorrow.I didn't bring you to play .Come out this instant. I don't have all day! OK, you can keep on playing, I AM GOING!"

The AVENGING MOMMY AND THE ALIEN TEENAGER

Exam season on..... All superhero movies were revised 5 times with the same interest and intrigue in all the details. We need pin drop silence in the house! Me:Hi diku (need to address aliens very lovingly during exams) Him: Hmmm Me: Finished Physics/Chemistry/Biology? Him: Bored during the same earthly matter and stuff again Me: (trying to keep cool) Since some earthly chapters have been done just twice in whole academic year, why not revise? Or does your alien mind pick up things like a radar? Him:..(Eyes glued to the t.v) The Alien sustains itself on television and gobbles up the movie matter especially during exams. '"No need.." Me:I have an idea! Him: Hmm (grunting in his alien language). Me: Can I request the board to set papers on Superhero/avengers theme? Him: What? (sensing that his alien study methods are jeopardised). Me: They can ask you to apply laws of physics, chemistry and biology concepts in justifying the scenes or futuristic scientific advancements of your favorite superhero movie. Eg:::Composition of the suit of Iron Man, the study of metal Adamantium in Wolverine, the revival or rebirth of Dr Strange/Deadpool, the colour changing Mystique etc. Actually taking it a bit further, all subjects should have papers based on superhero or avengers movies - Hindi essay, English literature, History, Geography..... Him.(Looking at me, asks tap?tap? In the head??) The teachers would not know

how!! Me: Then I should have been the board examiner; since It is the only subject you and your group of green-eyed junk gobblers and channel shifters understand! The Alien crawled back to his time capsule to pick up the earthly studies!

THE WHISPERING MOUNTAINS

The whispers were louder, They mocked me, My inability to teach The mountain pattern, To my 3 year old son, Who lay sobbing on the bed, Each peak seeming unattainbale, And each valley the deepest, The little hands struggled, To go from the valley to the peak, And that too in a continuous form, The end result resembled ECG of patients, Each mountain had a different peak, Each valley had numerous other dips, How then would my son learn the alphabet? I sobbed... Everyone does, All kids learn,

In entire history of education, All kids write, Said my laughing hubby!

THE REAL MOM - THIS IS ME

Stalking my teenager online, Getting blocked from his digital life, The snoopy mom, #ThisisMe! Secretly adding greens to his parathas, ing them as exotic herbs, The devious mom, #ThisisMe! Fighting with him every day, Then making his favourite dessert, The Fighter Mom #ThisIsMe! Hiding my wild teenage days, Complaining about his tantrums, The guilty mom #ThisIsMe! Complaining about his screen time, While secretly hooked to my net series,

The Addicted Mom, #ThisIsMe! Comparing his achievements with others, Hiding my shortcomings, The not so perfect mom, #ThisIsMe! Issuing empty threats and verdicts, Secretly thanking you still listen to me, The Emotional Mom, #ThisIsMe!

MOM, I HAVE COME IN THIS WORLD TO ENJOY!

A fine lazy afternoon saw me and my son chatting away and whiling our time. Giggling, laughing over school antics, silly girls, Harry Potter, X-men, Ant man, my school anecdotes, his school jokes etc. Hubby dearest (not a fan of superhero movies), disgustedly left the room wondering if the sanity and sanctity of the house is left when the most intelligent conversations are about ANTS, Xmen, with the two most dearest people in his life rolling on the couch,giggling over the antics of some men who are X-MEN, animatedly discussing the super powers of each one of them! Suddenly my gaze fell on his school newspaper. Glancing through it, I came upon some interesting articles. They covered the achievers' section, their habits, schedules etc. was highlighted. Intrigued, I read the whole article and was impressed and inspired by the zeal and tenacity of these kids as well as their parents. So I diverted our nonsensical, idyllic chats to a more focussed one. "See, these kids get up at 4:30 a..m everyday! (I conveniently didn't mention that the moms wake up at 4 a.m.) Son.....hmm... Me: They go daily for an hour of rigorous swimming training with their coaches (Again the parent's role was not highlighted by me.) Son.....hmm!Ok! Wow! crazy! Me: They directly go to school post the swimming coaching, attend the whole day and excel in academics too! Son: (a bit annoyed with the direction of conversation) So what? Me (Getting agitated): Again after school they go for swimming training! Son: So should I do their Pooja?Do you want me to be like them?

Me: (in a shrill tone and extremely hyper agitated state) Even you are a good swimmer, but you don't take the pains; there is no discipline in this house! We miss classes half of the days! Success is 99%perspiration and 1% inspiration! You have to be dedicated to achieve your goals. I can't win all the battles for you! When will you start excelling in one field? We are changing our classes every few months..............this went on and on for half an hour! My CUCUMBER COOL SON, who is quite used to my extempore went on listening patiently and then quietly remarked with a questioning tone (realising his freedom and lazing around is at stake and his idyllic world with friends may be jeopardised due to his possessed mom)....... I HAVE LOTS OF TIME IN THIS WORLD! I AM ONLY 11 YEARS OLD.I HAVE COME IN THIS WORLD TO ENJOY! Let me enjoy first and then I shall prove myself too! But first let me have all the fun in the world. I don't want to ape others.THEY ARE THEY AND I AM ME! I had no answers for this one. When will he make friends, if not now? When will he build castles in the air, if not now? When will he have no schedule days, if not now?When will he have those stupid nonsensical conversations with his friends, if not now? When will he play random gully cricket and building football, if not now? Me (secretly pleased that my shortcomings were not highlighted, that I sometimes cheat out of his classes, get up a bit late,have my moody days, can't dream of packing 10 tiffins at 4:30 a.m. in the morning....won't get sleep at all, my need to socialise, go for vacations) SON.....(Grinning from ear to ear)...Let's see! I keep my hidden talents hidden! Secretly pleased that the possessed mom is pacified for now!

HELP!THERE IS AN ALIEN IN MY HOUSE!

He talks differently in a gibberish language with occasional yelps, guffaws and converses in a sign language. He appears as a mini adult with the brains of a child and the mannerisms of an adult. He is extremely hostile to conversations and any attempt at any advice on how to relate to human world. He slinks around in the house, gets other alien friends with their bag of weapons and shuts the door and plays some wars on an alien playground. They tend to shout, abuse, grunt especially during the mortal afternoon hours of nap time. You are bound to have palpitations at the various sounds emitting from the closed door.Occassionally,there are alien sounds and lights coming from that room. But the more you insist on them remaining quiet, the louder they turn into! The alien regularly converses only with his alien buddies of other world. They talk about things you have never heard of in this human world. They laugh, scoff and snigger at your lack of alien things. They inform us that soon All the Alien Things will take over our world..........If we don't learn them.......it's a scary thought!!! The Alien feels hungry at odd intervals! He feels hungry especially after lunch and dinner sessions, is averse to anything healthy, gobbles junk and has a never ending pit on the stomach. He threatens to get nasty when food doesn't magically appear on his whimsical demands. He has a particular affinity towards pizzas, pastas, chocolates and an aversion to green leafy vegetables. He loves to guzzle juices. The Alien eats only in front of the TV. It increases its appetite. The Alien doesn't relate to the human world of clothing trends. He digs out the oldest, ruffled, faded T Shirts and gives a satisfied grunt on wearing them. Anything new, smart or trendy is thrown away at the back of the cupboard. He can wear the same set of clothes till days on end if not for the threats of informing other Alien buddies. Bathing is an activity The Alien avoids at all costs, but once in the bathroom, he settles for good. It takes a lot of screaming and shouting to get him to emerge out of the comfort zone that he has settled into. But surprisingly, no soap has been used, all liquid shampoos are consumed as bubble baths and there are umpteen balls and balloons in the bath tub.

The Alien is particularly hostile to any form of schooling. School is a place to take tiffins, share lunches, learn new tricks of the trade, meet other Alien buddies. It is only during examination time or report card day that The Alien converses with us in the human language. But there are moments when The Alien lets down his guard. I get a glimpse of my darling, cute, 12 year old, who has just started teenage and is like an alien to me. The next few years are going to be a roller coaster ride, but it is okay if I get a glimpse of my cute son once in a while beneath the Alien costume.

THE PARENTING TRAP

She read a lot about parenting. Her parents read none. She tried one theory and then another, Her parents stuck to one. If she disciplined them, she was too harsh, If she let them be, they could go astray. If she set rules, she was a taskmaster, If she didn't, her kids would be irresponsible. If she insisted on healthy eating, her kid's immunity would be suppressed, If she let them eat junk, she was lazy. Looking back, totally confused, She threw out all books on parenting. Did what she felt was right, Realising no parent is perfect, But all parents are good.

THE GREY-HAIRED MOMMY!

The greys in my hair were a sudden onset, I didnt know whom to blame, The maids who were always late, The hubby who was fussy, The in-laws who are a bit bossy, The neighbours who acted nosy, The friends who thought me finicky. I thought of blaming the maids... but they might run away. The hubby might take offense, The in-laws might feel hurt The neighbours would become distant The friends would abandon! The only person I could blame, Was the 16 year old Alien in the house, who laughed at my greys, And said, "At least you still have hair!"

LOCKDOWN HYPOCRITE MOMS

LOCKDOWN HYPOCRITE MOMS ASKING MY SON TO BE ALERT DURING HIS ONLINE CLASSES, AND NODDING OFF TO SLEEP MYSELF DURING MY DENTAL SEMINARS! LOCKDOWN HAUNTINGS In the middleof the night, A voice scared the life out of me, It was BHOOKH LAGI HAI! Bhookh scares a rationing mom more than BHOOT! THE LOCKDOWN FOOD CHALLENGES AND THE over enthusiastic MOMMY SAGA... After the banana cake challenge, Bananas have been banned in my house, After the ladi pav challenge, My son has sworn off bread for a year! Officially baking powder has been declared as A hazardous substance in my house! LOCKDOWN MOMMY WOES! Woh subah kabhi to aayegi, Meri recipes sabko bhayegi! LOCKDOWN MOMMY POWER

She enjoyed watching her family gulp down the simple rustic meals prepared by her, Since they were scared of not getting any meals if they objected!

THE MEAN MOMS

My son was in for a rude realization of the meanness of his mom when last Sunday, I confiscated the remote and his favorite spot on the couch and watched the reruns of Kapil Sharma episodes back-to-back for straight eight hours. I just got up to serve food and immediately plonked again and hid the remote below the pillows. No amount of pleading or threats could mobilize me from the sofa. My state of inertia was complete with a strong gravitational pull towards the sofa. No amount of force could do the necessary work (we had just finished science exams!). My son started quoting my quotes.....Too much T.V. is bad for the intellect! Move over, it's a Sunday. Let's go out. I am bored! But no amount of cajoling or pleading let me to budge. I could fight like a tiger for that remote and television. So my Raja Babu sulked in one bedroom and hubby dearest dozed off in the other bedroom and didn't dare to venture near me. In case you are wondering, this was due to T.V. deprivation syndrome since the last 8 years when I never could win. I had decided to fight for my rights even if it earned me a tag of MEAN MOMMY!!! I can be mean on multiple occasions, like when I ate that whole bar of 5star chocolate refusing to share it with my son and when he asked me for a bite, I promptly stuffed the remaining bar in my mouth while he could only gape in shock! I am not a chocolate addict nor do I enjoy eating them, but this was my guilt-free sinful enjoyment. Years of always feeding the child first had taken a toll on me. A mom whom I know once locked herself in a room with half kg. of grapes and didn't emerge out till she finished all of them. She didn't want to share as she always would wait helplessly while hubby and baby would gobble all the grapes at one go. It had been years since she had a bowl of grapes all by herself. She would be left with the discarded lower lot of grapes! The same mom had once offered the straw of her soft drink to her toddler to suck when he gazed helplessly as his mother downed the mangola in one or two large gulps! She was forgiven by the horrified onlookers who consoled themselves that soft drink was bad for the baby!!

Moms can be mean when they are driven up the wall by the antics of people around them. A new mom can be mean when she feigns sleep when the toddler wails in the middle of the night, and hopes that the dazed,tired, unsure, caring hubby will pity her and get up to calm the baby! I can be mean when I expect my son to know the Hindi spellings correctly while I cheat peek the answers, inspite of teaching him a zillion times! I was particularly mean when I made him rote learn a Hindi poem on the basis of a WhatsApp update from my overzealous school group, though My Raja Babu insisted that it will not come for exams. I fell flat on my face when it really didn't come. So my son has plotted his revenge and asked me to memorize the whole poem and write it down without a single mistake. I am stuck with the first two lines while my son guffaws with malicious glee in the background at my struggles. But all's well in the Mommy child world when the bacchus forgive their kiddo mom for her idiosyncrasies. My son definitely does! In fact, when I showed him the title and content of this blog, he was surprised that I thought the above incidents mean, as he considered T.V. deprivation syndrome normal as he goes through it during his exams, chocolate snatching incident permissible indulgence for moms, same with grapes gobblers and soft drink gurglers! In his mind, it is perfectly ok for parents to behave like kids! Though he still can't forgive me for the poetry by heart learning incident. That's a mean mom, according to him.

HOW TO GET THE ALIEN TEENAGERS TO STUDY

Take their mobiles away, but keep yours aside too! Send a warning to all friends to not come near your house for duration of exams, and even to not come over under the pretext of borrowing an onion or a tomato or milk or worse, borrowing a cricket ball or football. Disconnect the cable. If you can manage, disconnect the neighbour's cable who stays opposite you. The teens can easily watch reflections on sliding windows to watch their favourite shows. Keep a stock of delicious food handy as the TEENAGER feels hungry all the time, when at home. Junk is in high demand (though I don’t advocate it, but it is a definite pacifier). Keep a watch on the studying posture. As they study in the sleeping posture, it is difficult to determine whether they are still studying or have dozed off. Repeatedly shouting their name helps! Sometimes, they can continue reading comics and novels below their study books. Surprise checks are a must. I would love to go back in ancient times and tie their chotis to an overhead nail, so they can’t doze off. Only for that reason, I am OK if my son has a hippie ponytail. Keep the windows closed and doors closed; any distraction in the form of noise is enough to take his mind away from studies. Keep your STERN MOMMY LOOK during study time as they have a knack of pulling at your softest corners during study time. They can plead, beg, connive, convince, threaten you with their various emotions. You can melt in those emotions and the teenager slips away. Be careful not to overfeed them, or they shall be too sleepy. Be careful not to underfeed them, or they shall be too irritable.

No one in their right mind wants an irritable teenager around. They are unpredictable when irritated, can go to sleep for hours, or leave the house in a huff, or start chatting with a friend. So u don’t want an irritated teen during EXAMS. Try not to be too chirpy or happy about watching a movie, or catching up with friends or chatting for long hours on the phone. A teen who has to study all day for exams resents all those who are free at that time. So, TRY LOOKING BUSY, OR WORRIED OR ENGROSSED IN SOME AGE-OLD NEWSPAPER! During exams, they are ready to run all errands for you. So, be careful about the seemingly guileless looks which say that" Mom, do u need any help?" If they have been sitting too long engrossed in their school book, be sure to check as school books only drive them to sleep and they may have a novel hidden underneath. Don’t trust your teen when it comes to studies! BUT ALL THE ABOVE MEASURES FAIL TO WORK AS EMOTIONS, HORMONES AND TEMPERS RAGE HIGH DURING EXAMS. YOU AS A MOM ARE A TARGET! BUT PERSIST OR PERISH IN THIS ATTEMPT!

TOP 10 REASONS WHY I HATE VACATIONS

1: The maids are on leave! 2: There is a BOTTOMLESS PIT running around in the house who needs fuel every 2 hours!!! All dabbas are mysteriously empty. 3:I get late to work everyday by working like a mad horse in the house and then go and doze off at work due to extreme fatigue! 4:I looked forward to watching good movies and some relaxation Me time, but my house is a cacophony of cartoons whom I want to murder, some thumping music to deafen your ears, endless reruns of Tarak Mehta ka ooltah chasmah! But the minute some nice song comes and I start humming it, the channel changes! Moms cannot enjoy vacations! 5:When it is time for an afternoon siesta, the intercom rings continuously with a new friend calling THE BOTTOMLESS PIT for games. Else they all bombard the house with their constant ringing. 6: Guests come visiting in hordes during the vacations. Combine Vacations+No maids+Double work+Double cooking+no one to clean +6-7 bottomless pits running amok in the house with each one having a different specification, even in having the milk (plain ,bournvita,with less sugar,more sugar,hot,tepid, slightly warm,no malai on top, in this mug, in that cartoon mug!) 7: Did I mention about the chaos?. No sleep till midnight, THE BOTTOMLESS PITS feeling hungry in the wee hours of midnight and threatening to inform the world that there's a CRUEL MOM who lets her kid go to bed hungry!!!Nothing but a HOT CHOCOLATE OR MAGGIE WOULD DO!! 8: The boxes of ice cream lovingly made and expected to last till 1 month are empty when some guests arrive. THE BOTTOMLESS PIT HAS LICKED THE BOX DRY and left the box in the freezer! 9: Threatening to call the police or some witch to scare 7 BOTTOMLESS PITS

is now e. Their pillow fights, endless giggles and turning the house topsy turvy needs a bigger threat! I STILL DONT KNOW THE THREAT!SO while the BOTTOMLESS PITS sleep till afternoon, you land up with red,tired eyes and an aching body with lethargy! 10: THE MAIDS ARE STILL ON LEAVE........ THE end of vacations sees the maids returning with a rejuvenated look, beaming faces, bright eyes and a sprint in their walk which even our exotic vacations cannot beat! When I gladly receive her,she asks me....DID YOU ENJOY THE VACATIONS? THEN I REALISE.......VACATIONS ARE FOR KIDS AND MAIDS!

MAA KA KHAANA

Usually these words evoke a lot of sentiments like nostalgia and pride for the most scrumptious, lovingly prepared and most relished, unparalleled, divine and tasty food in the world. Adults as well as teenagers love to brag about their Mom's secret recipes and vouch for the delicacies prepared by their mom and her magical touch. But my house has some horror stories attached to Maa ka khana! Imagine a six year old boy eagerly opening his tiffin box during recess but shutting it with a snap or hiding the contents so as to not horrify his friends or invite their sympathy! My HEALTHY FOOD MUMMY phase lasted for about two to three years. My family was subjected to rava idlis, baked substitutes for fried stuff, whole wheat wraps which killed the taste of the frankies, nachni dosas, nachni idlis, nachni khicchu (my in-laws started pitying my hubby and son) which terrified my son and he threatened to keep his tiffin box shut during the recess. My dinner invitations were politely turned down by my in-laws with some lame excuses. During that phase, I tried some different soups made of pumpkin apple combination which my son called the VOMIT SOUP! I tried wheat pancakes without baking soda which ended up as a gooey mass.I added different grains to my atta which lead to an allergic attack and I had to take anti-allergics for 6 months. I tried reducing the oil in the veggies to a minuscule microscopic dot and all the veggies were half cooked and burnt! My son started craving for his Dadi Maa ka khaana which had the right blend of oil, masalas and lots of love. When my son tasted her potato pakoras, he thought that it was a heavenly dish not known to mankind! He excitedly ran up to me and asked me to learn the recipe! I got not-so-subtle hints from my son's little friends when they said that Jay's Tiffin is eaten by the dustbin! Flashback.....one day a boy accidently tripped and my son's tiffin was on the ground, rotis mysteriously disappearing from the box, suspicious squeaky clean tiffins! My son asking me that his friends had dared him to ask his mom if she knew how to make pizzas. My little boy of 7 yrs trying to tell me nonchalantly

that none of his friends share his tiffin as it is too healthy! My son never asking me to pack anything special for his friends too! I realized that his friend's mom started packing extra tiffins for my son when they learnt of his favorite dishes!Was it pity or concern?? My maid found rotis in mysterious places like under the sofa or behind the cushions during one of our cleaning sessions. My son asked me that his friends often questioned him that why didn't his food resemble normal food? Why it looked weird in color?and tasted weird too! Well;that spurted new ideas and called for new beginnings. I entered my TASTY MOMMA phase;which proved to be more disastrous for my family.Lemon cup cakes were made and served with flair.It was a celebration moment and my son went around boasting in the building that an exotic dessert is being made in his house.But a spoonful of the cake created a mini emergency in my house;with my son contorting his face and running for the bathroom to get rid of the taste;hubby vowing off cakes and pastries for a lifetime.Well in my over-enthusiasm to treat my family;the zest was overdone.The lemon cupcakes were bitter and extra lemony taste created a shock wave lasting for an hour inside the mouth.Jelly was something I couldnt go wrong with.But my friend's son after trying for about 15 mins meekly asked his dad to at least insert a spoon into the hard rock. In my haste, I had left the jelly in the freezer.So kids don't try anything new at my place until the adult tries it and declares it fit for consumption.

My TASTY MOMMA phase included me churning out brownies too bitter to be smelt (forget about popping it in your mouth),mysterious looking soups, a crazy combination of different cuisines.So after my battered and bruised family pleaded with me to give them simple Gujarati meals, I heaved a sigh of relief. My cousin and I jokingly remark that our sons will never miss 'MAA KA KHANA' when they go to hostel, as they do not know what tasty food is. Each day is like a new revelation for our kids, new taste, new dishes!But deep down in our hearts we are scared that that is actually a distant truth.The day they taste the particular dish which was supposed to taste like heaven,they wont be coming home to eat our experiments.They shall realize that they had been treated as guinea pigs all along!! So the SIMPLE FOOD MOMMY started preparing all dishes very simply,

without any extra masalas or seasonings.After few days, hubby dearest looked up to me and remarked quite emotionally......"you know, I am reminded of my hostel days."Taking it as a compliment, I felt quite flattered.With tears in his eyes, he continued.....I haven't eaten such horrid food since my college days.. This was the ultimate weapon they threw at me hoping that I get the hint and stop cooking!But as you know I am made of sterner stuff.Refusing to take the hint still I shall be back with a new COOKING AVATAAR MOMMY!

MOMS,HOW TO SURVIVE BAD COOKING DAYS!

Tip 1: If the food is too salty, add some sugar. Not that it will make much difference, but consumers will not be able to pinpoint the exact culprit. They will spend their time wondering if it was too salty or too sweet? Tip no 2: If the food is burnt, quickly hide the clues, take out the unburnt part, transfer it into a fancy casserole, wash the burnt utensil and spray some perfume into the room. If anyone complains about the odour, you can say it was "barbequed". Tip no 3: When the food is less in quantity, serve it in the smallest plates, and then pretend to be awed by the delicacies, nibbling the morsels ever so slowly that the others would be forced to repeat the act. As an act of kindness, do mention that there are fruits to be served as desserts (so that the others don't go to bed hungry). Tip no 4: When the food is more in quantity, hide all the other courses, and serve in the largest plates possible. Serve the food very late so that everyone is as ravenous as a wolf when they attack the food. Or else THREATEN TO SERVE THE LEFTOVERS NEXT DAY!! Tip no 5: When in-laws demand an exotic dish, say that it's too late and you don't have the ingredients, but will definitely assemble it within few days. Repeat the same argument every few days till they forget about it! TIP no 6: When the dishes don't come out as well as expected, serve them very confidently. If anyone questions the different taste, say, "This is our family secret recipe handed down the ages. We always prepare it in this particular manner". It is safe to blame the previous generations as they can't refute it. Let the guests wonder! Tip no 7: In case the food is bad, BLAME THE COOK (even if you have prepared it). , ing the buck helps. Tip no 8: When in-laws come visiting, and the food is unpredictable, pretend you are too tired with all the cooking or have a terrible headache and go off to sleep. At least you wont listen to all the

criticism directed at you. Also ask them to clear up the table after they are done. Tip no 8: Chuck it all in the dustbin and order takeaway. Even you deserve to eat good food sometimes. Tip no 9: Self-appraisal works. Declare yourself a fantastic cook and nobody will have the heart to contradict you. Tip no 10: Serve food in front of the T.V. Start the cookery channel. With the hyper salivation from the exotic dishes being prepared, the family may not realise what they are gulping down. For all you know, they may actually relish the taste!!!! NEVER GIVE UP YOUR PURSUIT OF BEING A GREAT COOK. GREAT DEEDS REQUIRE BIGGER SACRIFICES!!! ALL OF THE ABOVE IS PARDONED IF YOU MAKE MAGGIE AND READY-TO-COOK PASTAS AND SOUPS OCCASIONALLY!

LOCKDOWN MOMMY!

Main bhi chowkidaar, Guarding the fridge,the pantry and counting the tomatoes the cucumbers, the fruits, the biscuits, the chocolates and running after the midnight slippery eel who tries to raid the fridge!

SUPER KIDS OR SUPER CLONES

"A class for every skill" is the code mantra nowadays. Initially it was only academics and sports which came into the foray, but now each and every skill has to be learnt from the masters. Recently I read about some classes for social skills, and then some for religious coaching, not to forget Rubik's cube coaching. The list is endless. The classes are usually focussed on creating perfect clones. The child's unique features are often washed away in these attempts at perfection. So when my son came home with a dejected look and showed me his notebook which had "Improve your handwriting" written in letters of red, I immediately started looking up handwriting improvement classes. By evening,I already had two to three recommended names. However, a casual conversation with my mom in the evening changed my attitude. She remarked how I had a similar remark from my school teacher, but who advised me to write notes in a red and blue four line book to my utter mortification! My teacher persisted and after a month of self handwriting improvement coaching overlooked by my stern teacher, the end result was amazing and I started getting compliments for my handwriting. Till today, I credit my teacher for my improvement. So with a renewed determination, I sat down with my son and explained it to him that we shall work on his handwriting. Worried about his playtime being cut short if he would go for classes, he readily agreed and we were amazed at his dedication and there was a marked improvement. Where have THESE MASTERS DISAPPEARED? Another example comes to my mind. Recently, when my son had a chess competition, he hurried home and told me that he wanted to participate. I was a bit irritated as he had never shown the inclination to learn or master the game when I used to send him for chess classes when he was in grade 2( my TIGER Mom phase!). So this sudden interest in the game irked me. You can't learn the nuances of the game in a limited time frame. I tried to discourage him. But he refused to listen to me and went about trying to play games with all guests. My dad and my brother are excellent at chess;so I asked them to give my son some pointers at playing the game. With just 2-3 sessions at chess with my

brother, his game improved. Was this the same child who scorned at chess because it was an indoor game? I had to push him for every session of chess classes in the past, and he was trying to learn the finer nuances of the game. My son zealously played the game with his grandfather, uncle and cousins. I could sense a major improvement in his game. He started playing chess on my mobile in his free time. With the tips and inputs from my brother(who gave him an analytical of his weak points and his strength;the mindset),he became more confident. Initially, I was against him participating in the chess match as he was a better speaker (it was a choice between chess and elocutions).But I am glad that he stuck to his ground and learnt something new,as he wanted to. Sometimes, you do let the kids choose. They make better judgements.So he did play in the school and went beyond 2 rounds which was a great improvement. I am glad he learnt the game from his CHOSEN MASTERS, as they focussed only on him and not the scores of children in the academies. We have learnt all our hobbies and skills from our near and dear ones. An aunt who was excellent in whipping up fingerlicking food would be our cooking teacher; the secret ingredients would be ed down the generations to make it a family trademark; a neighbour who would write some amazing Hindi speeches would be ed during the elocutions, which lent a unique impact on the listeners as they were solitary views, not influenced by googling up the topic. We learnt art from our neighbours, who taught us some different styles of colouring which were uncommon. Carrom was never learnt. It was a war between cousins with each one having their own TRADEMARK SHOT. Skills were never learnt with a deadline;it was an ongoing process.While it may appear that I glorify the past, it is not the case. THE MASTERS OF THE GAME HAVE NOT DISAPPEARED. WE HAVE CHOSEN TO IGNORE THEM. There is still the grandfather who loves to teach chess and carrom, a grand-mom whose recipes are unique with a dash of love, the uncle who is a cricket buff, the cousin whose writing skills are legendary, the neighbour who loves cartooning and is ever ready to give tips, the teenager who can patiently teach you the latest dance moves etc. They have spare time. We HAVE STOPPED ASKING THEM. This is not to be miserly or save money. Things are not learnt only for competition.Academies usually focus on competitions, and don't let the kids enjoy the learning process. Find the masters of the game and let the kids love learning their new skills.

MOM,DON'T BE SO LAZY!

These words caught me unawares and jolted me out of my 30 minutes afternoon siestas which I love to take after turning 37 yrs old. I can now safely blame everything on aging as we are in the middle age group category. So, my son's statement evoked a variety of emotions within me. First came the shock, then the grief. Was it yesterday that I had taught my toddler to utter some words, when I had recited him innumerable stories to enhance his vocabulary? When did he learn to question and judge me? Was he an adult now? So in my MELODRAMA MOM mode, I dished out a couple of sob statements like ...."Oh !I raised you to listen to this kind of nonsense. How can I expect you to take care of me when I grow old?..........and so on". Then the radio tuning in my mind went to the WORRY MUMMY MOOD. What kind of an adult will he turn out to be? Will he respect elders? Will we have a good equation in the future if he has learnt to comment on my routine from such a small age? Realizing that these momma moods will not help, I switched on my favourite mood - THE ANGRY AND INDIGNANT MOMMA MOOD, retorting, "How dare you question me on my routine? I am a working mom;I cook two fresh meals a day;I see to your studies and all the activities; I make sure your projects are completed on time and take extra efforts to add to the information. Your extra curricular activities are also taken care of by me and I personally write your poetries for kavi sammelans. In spite of juggling my roles as as mom, wife, daughter-in-law, aunt, dentist, teacher and a cook, why do I have to listen to this silly observation? Don't I get a respite of 30 minutes for myself? How can he call me lazy when he sees that I am on my toes from morning to night?" My CUCUMBER COOL SON heard my ravings which went on for half an hour while he carelessly flicked the pages of his novel. Sensing a pause in my outburst, he calmly looked up, took my face in his hands and remarked, "Yes, you are lazy. Why are you so bored in your free time? You are so good at creativity!. You used to paint, you used to draw; so why don't you start creating instead of lazing about with a blank look on your face? WHY DONT YOU DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF??????

I wanted to shout, "I CREATED YOU!I AM WORKING ON IMPROVING THAT CREATION!",but I stopped myself. Did I spend the last decade just improving upon my creation? But my son is a human like me. He will selfnurture and doesn't need my constant interference. I did love a lot of things; my happy space was in just reading, penning down some thoughts, pencil sketching, colouring handcrafted gifts. Those were the activities I did for myself, without expecting any monetary reimbursement.I practised dentistry because it is my profession. It is not my hobby. In my daily routine, there was not a single activity which I did because I loved it.When did I let go of my hobbies? That day I started my blog and resolved not to become lazy. Suddenly I found myself looking forward to enjoying my ME TIME, where I was involved in creative activities. I stopped stressing over mundane things! I worked on reviving old childhood memories and connecting with the child I was and the dreams I had, not with the adult with a cynical view to anything and everything not connected with materialistic gains. THE CHILDHOOD HOBBIES which I left behind made me the ADULT I am today. So, I reconnected with myself and started my blog. This is the best gift I gave myself. Truly, everyday is Mother's day when you learn something new from being a mom!

MATH O MANIA

We belong to a generation where we learnt things by rote and learnt the applications much later in life. I doing the maths sums just with an aim to get the right answer. The question format didn't matter nor did we understand it perfectly. In fact, there have been times when we memorised the answers to the maths problems and wrote the steps backwards during exams. We didn't have to rack our brains during maths tests as the values too would not be changed from those given in the textbook! I had memorised the whole stock market sums for my std 10th board exams as I couldn't figure out the head or tail of those sums. Till this date, any stock market sums are quite terrifying for me. LCM and HCF made no sense during my student days. I recently revisited the horror days while teaching my son the same topics. Sometimes, I confuse him with my confusions!!! His grouse is that I merely read out the chapter from the textbook. That is considered reading and not explaining. I grin and bear it not wanting him to realise my ignorance and the only reason why I first go through his textbooks is to make some sense out of it before pretending to know it all. So, the new age maths poses a problem for the parents. The kids do understand the subject and the practical applications. After a brainstorming session on simple interest, with me throwing a fit when the answers to half of the sums were wrong due to silly mistakes (carelessness and negligence are dubbed as silly mistakes in maths!), my son's tearjerking tantrums, confusing the principal and the final amount, wondering whether to calculate in months or years, and refusing to do any more maths with the threats that he will not give any correct answers, we both decided to give Simple Interest a break, as during the last few sums, even the answers to the basic calculations were all wrong. A few days later, an incident made me realise the wit of these computer minds. As usual, we were counting the pennies of his piggy bank. The x amount is usually transferred as notes and kept in another money bank.When I leave for work, if I do not have change for a rick, I take notes of 10 or 20 rupees denomination out of his money bank and replace it with 100 rupee notes after

some days. I do inform him about the amount that I have borrowed. After we had counted all the pennies and changed it at a local kirana store with bank notes, my sly son remarked, "From now on, I shall be charging you 10% simple interest on every 100 rupees. Seeing my shocked face, he thought the better of it and decided to charge me 5% since 10% was probably too much. All the calculations were done orally and the interest as well as the total amount was calculated in a jiffy! So much for not understanding simple interest! The applications in real life come naturally to the gen-next. I smiled and gave him the whole maths exercise to solve! I have yet to give him the interest which I will do, after he finishes solving all simple interest sums correctly!

THE CRAZY MOTHERS

Mothers must be crazy, To let a piece of their heart roam free, To cut the umbilical ties And free the bonds. To smile when her children rejoice, To cry her heart out when they are sad. To fight like a tigress for her children, To act as a shield for them, While being too meek to stand up for herself. Mothers must be mad, To know when her children don't need her, To play a background character in their lives, To just keep blessing and rejoicing! Then God too is CRAZY!! Just like Moms... Letting his creations roam free!!

WHY I ENJOY DEFEATING MY SON AT GAMES

This is for clarification if anyone decides to lodge a formal complaint against me. Playing board games and card games are a favorite time with my child since he was small. I play to win. I don't let him win, till he deserves it. We started with the good old Snakes and Ladders , and I would dance in glee when he would slide down a snake and I would race ahead of him. I think it taught him that life is not always fair, but you can still climb that ladder always. In the end, he would still win! We graduated to Ludo . So after multiple attempts, when I would be unable to throw a six to start my game and he would have all his counters on the board and be busy throwing only 6s, he would offer to throw a six for me to start the game. I guess it taught him that winning alone is not fun. You help others along the way. We play Carrom . I enjoy putting my coins one after the other and his staring at me for at least a turn. Our fights over double due rules (which keep on changing) and fluke shots turn the area into a battleground. It teaches him to improve his game, concentrate, and bond with friends. You are never lonely if you can play a game of carrom with people of any age group. Soon we moved over to Reversi , which is a fun game with simple rules, but very tricky. The nail-biting excitement over the final twist sends a gush of adrenaline each time we play. It is a short, simple, and a fast game with an addictive twist. It taught him to never lose hope; the last move can be a game changer. The game which holds a special place in my heart is Abalone . A board game with marbles, you play it with the single-minded concentration, ruthlessly pushing your opponent and trapping him. Yet, you can find a way out of it and turn the tables. This was a game where my son taught me the rules I could not understand from the sheet. I guess he grew up in my eyes that day. When he took

interest, a challenge to learn a new game, to teach it to me so we could play together, I knew my job was done. So, we play best of 5, and try our best to defeat the opposite person. Blokus is another game we play for hours. In fact, since it requires more than 2 players, he insists on my playing along with his friends. We plan, we trap, we despair, we con, we strategize, and the minutes just fly. If a friend is badly stuck, we help him to put his pieces on the board. This probably is one fun game with no learning curve. Sequence and Catan have transformed our houses into a battleground with friends hosting Sequence and Catan parties. Friends, siblings, life partners, and kids are forgotten and there is a real war! So, I do feel that you should play games with your cute toddler, your hyperactive child, your alien teenager, and your stressed son, and you shall find that you can still teach him some moves in life and game.

THE GURM MONSTER

I found it everywhere. I tried escaping it by closing my eyes, but it was dancing in front of my shut eyelids. I tried sleeping, but THE GURM turned bigger and more monstrous, scaring the daylights out of me. I tried to go on with my routine activities, but THE GURM was lurking in all the corners and smirking and taunting me, "I escaped you; you tried so hard and yet I won. You can never beat me." In case you are wondering, THE GURM was a spelling mistake my son made in the first grade, as the answer to a Fill in the blanks question -The organism that causes diseases is......... My son excitedly came up to me, handed his question paper and told me the only answer he wished to discuss, "Mom, look! It is gurm, G-U-R-M! With a horrified look, I shouted, It is G-E-R-M! How could you make such a stupid spelling mistake? We memorized all your spellings and you made a silly mistake. The rant continued. THE GURM spoilt our day; my son was sobbing into his pillow after my scoldings and THE GURM was partying in my head. All this for a 1 mark question. My son got 9/10 marks in science and still I was worried about THE GURM! This was many years ago, in early days of my motherhood. I couldn't contain myself and also for the lack of experience, blasted my little boy. A talk with my mom made me realise my mistake. I was letting the GURM grow by feeding it with my insecurities and unnecessary fears of the future. I introspected and realised that I am bringing down his confidence and creating a fear like atmosphere during exams. My happy-go-lucky child was sobbing in a corner because of just one spelling mistake. Even his teachers would not mind these silly mistakes, but as a mom, I was expecting him to behave and write exams like an adult! My worries do crop up at times even today, when he has grown to be responsible enough to understand his priorities and responsibilities. I talk to people who have older kids and listen to their advice rather than letting my mind galloping like a horse over my worries! As a parent, here are my top ten tips to #ReleaseThePressure.

Tip No.1: Kids will make mistakes but by going over them again and again and ruminating over them, it reinforces the mistakes and the child will stop attempting difficult questions over the fear of failure. Tip No.2: We don't ever discuss the paper which is over. Tip No.3: After exams, let them have a good hearty hot meal. Tip No.4: Playtime is a must. A game of football, tennis or any other outdoor activity is a must during exams. Outdoor activities help in gaining a better perspective and greater focus. Tip No.5: Mommies, even you need a good break in the early evening. Go for a walk or have a Chai pe Charcha with your building friends. A calm mom creates a positive ambience for studies (I have learnt it the hard way... the GURM!!) Tip No.6: A well prepared child is a relaxed child. Insist on regular studies with special attention to difficult questions. Tip No.7: When they are in lower grades, let them attend family functions or celebrate festivals during exams. Let them be prepared for that subject beforehand so that only a quick revision will suffice on the day of exams. They can enjoy best of both worlds. When they grow up, they shall cherish these memories. Tip No.8: Never compromise on sleep during exams. Tip No.9: Let's that this is a very competitive world; so even if your child is doing their best, there are thousands of other kids who are doing as well or better. So encouraging their unique traits will help them stand out in the herd. Let's pledge to practise UNPARENTING! SO PARENTS, #RELEASETHEPRESSURE, AND ENJOY EXAM DAYS!! EXAMS WILL COME AND GO, BUT LET YOUR CHILD LEARN TO FACE THE CHALLENGES AND EMERGE STRONGER WITH EACH ING EXAM.

THE SWEET REVENGE

Sometimes I wonder, why grandmothers always side with grandkids? I guess it is payback time for them, seeing their child (NOW A MOTHER HERSELF) frustrated with their kid is gratifying for them.

I am waiting for my turn!

THE INVISIBLE MOMS AND THE ALIEN CHILD

"Mom, this ALIEN LIKE ACTING Akash is not studying!What should I do?" "Mom, Akash has recurrent cold and cough!What should I give him?Some home remedies?" "Mom, lately, I am feeling very low. I need you." "Mom, how did you multitask? How do you manage being a mom, especially to an alien teenager, a wife, a teacher, a homemaker, a daughter-in-law, a bhabhi, a sister, an aunt and yet retain your sanity?" These were the usual early morning conversations which Meera had with her mom. The questions were usually rhetoric; she needed to hear her mom's soothing voice to go through the rigors of the day. Her mom's confidence in her boosted her spirits to fulfill the multiple roles expected from her. "Mom, do you know, I prepared Akash for his maths paper and he scored well?" "Mom, I wrote a speech for him and he got a prize!" Meera also loved to attribute her son's achievements to her upbringing and hard work. Flashback 30 years back....... The Meera of today was a confident 10 year old GREENISH alien collecting medals for her elocution competition and thanking her dad who wrote the speech and her teacheres for their confidence in her. WHERE WAS MOM? A 13 year old REDDISH ALIEN Meera treading puberty and basking in the newly found attention of her friends, enjoying being their centre of attraction. WHERE WAS MOM?

A 15 year old PINKISH ALIEN Meera, climbing her way to success, enjoying the post celebration parties of her board exams, getting in the top most college, flush with pride and thanking her dad for motivating her, her college teachers and friends who believed in her and pushed her to reach the zenith. BUT again, WHERE WAS MOM? A 18 year old BLUE ALIEN, living her dream of becoming a doctor, topping universities and with her head high in the clouds, congratulating herself for her hard work, zeal and determination.... AGAIN.....WHERE WAS MOM? A 22 year old, STILL-AN-ALIEN hesitant Meera, holding the hand of one she loved and taking decisions which shook the foundations of her family as the boy was not from her community, thus alienating her dad, her relatives......... WHERE WAS MOM????? MOM WAS INVISIBLE,silently nurturing the ALIENISH girl who took baby steps, guiding the school girl towards the ladder of success, painfully observing the pangs of separation when Meera's world was her alien friends and studies. Mom was INVISIBLE to the alien world of teenager MEERA catering to her every need and her timings. Mom was INVISIBLE till Meera came out of her time capsule of alien world, and asked her for her !Mom who stood like a rock for Meera's love and ed her decisions. The INVISIBLE MOM had gently tended her alien teenager girl, waited patiently for the right time and helped her to blossom in this earthly world with the right attitude. Mom, who had maintained a dignified silence along the years, playing along when her alien daughter attributed her intelligence, hard work, zeal and ambition to her dad and teachers, had silently prepared Meera for realizing her dreams. The brilliantly written speeches by her dad in illegible hand writing were painstakingly written down very neatly by her mom who made her memorise the speeches again and again.

The marks in her school were a result of the perfectionist mom who never gave up and instilled a regular study pattern with special focus on weekly tests written by her and corrected by her. Each and every mistake was pointed out, duly corrected and noted down. Mom, who was beaming at her daughter's success, but never once attributing it to her hard work, her patience, her sacrifices, her confidence, her motherly lap which had absorbed all of Meera's tantrums, insecurities, indecisiveness, fears and replaced them with the super confident girl in front of her. Meera was the girl who feared nothing because she knew her mom would accept everything...... Her MOM WHO ALWAYS BELIEVED IN HER, AND WHO WOULD ACCEPT HER SUCCESS AND FAILURES WITH A LOVING AND HEALING TOUCH!!! THESE INVISIBLE MOMS don't brag about their alienish acting child's achievements, never step into their child's limelight, but instead shine like a halo around their child, who are their gift to the world. THIS IS A TRIBUTE TO ALL MOMS,WHO REMAIN INVISIBLE IN THE BACKGROUND, SILENTLY ING AND NURTURING THEIR CHILD! MY MOM WAS SUCH AN INVISIBLE MOM, TILL I BECAME A MOM AND REALISED HER CONTRIBUTION TO MY WORLD!

THE PETTY DEAL

The deal was struck and witnesses confirmed, The dissatisfied parties Came to a mutual understanding. The explained. Each one agreed and decided not to complain, Or raise their voice, Against the MAN OF THE HOUSE. Exam season had arrived! The deal was for the mom to not BELLOW Or scare the neighbours, the milkman, maids, And the watchmen and shops two buildings away! The thundering roar must not be heard. The MOTHER agreed. The Son had to submit his mobile, He couldn't slip away, At friendly WHISTLE CALLS, For Beyblade or football matches, Read comics under books, OR BRIBE The GRANDMA....

Till Exam Season ends!